Rataj-Titty Discrimination and Corrine Olympios Rape Not Rape on the Last Men on Earth Podcast #92


There is no slow season for narcissism and self-importance. The minute there’s a fat dollar sign haloed over your dome there are any number of people convincing you your shit doesn’t stink. Privileged people have assistants who assure them they’re genius. Their voices must be heard. Sweet Tweet, boss. Golf clap. You’re cured alt-rightness. We’ll take a rest when that phenomenon of human nature discontinues.

On this week’s Last Men on Earth podcast, myself and my chiefly pickled sidekick dive into Emily Ratajkowski’s insistence that her perfect titties are a roadblock to success, start the ticking clock on Rob Kardashian’s upcoming girlish suicide, discuss how raising your child genderless makes you both a male and female asshole, consider Jay Z’s gentrification, wonder where Disney’s historical revisionism might end, and consider the fact that Bachelor in Paradise rape is the only crime where false accusations have zero consequences.

Subscribe to Last Men on Earth podcast on iTunes or we’ll lock you in a chamber with Kim Jong-un and a vast platter of soft cheeses. 

Tagged in: emily ratajkowski, last men on earth podcast, corrine olympios


Bella Hadid Serious Supermodel Nipples


Picasso’s answer to Megan Fox, Bella Hadid, takes her nipples for a stroll in these new pics taken on the Alexandre Vauthier runway at Paris Fashion Week. Soviet-era garb with mesh tit screens will be flying off the shelves this fall thanks to Hadid’s infectious appeal. I mean infection. Bare tits on the runway tell the world that you’re serious about your career. So do red carpet vag flashes. The fashion industry version of the sex tape. 

The line between what constitutes an Instagram ho versus a supermodel is more blurred than the vision of Bill Cosby’s dates. Posters of supermodels are supposed to be plastered onto the bedroom walls of teenage boys with jizz adhesive. Environmentally friendly and fun to use. Instagram prostitutes sell green tea laxatives to fat girls looking to a have their cake and eat it too. And beef shank. The Instagram slut moto: Turn your body into a hilarious surgeon’s canvas then pretend you swapped faces solely with the help of a dab of Kyle Cosmetics. Use code BOTCHED for 10% off. 

Hadid killed the supermodel. She manages to look like the product of a Snapchat filter that layers the worst qualities of the Jenndashians onto a cadaver. What audiences apparently want. Along with her contemporary Kendall Jenner, Hadid is working to strip away “super” and “model” and replace them with “Nondescript” and “prostitute.” Respectively. But at least she’s smart enough to free her nipples. Distracts from everything else. 


Photo Credit: Splash News 

Tagged in: photos, bella hadid


Sophie Turner Learned Oral Sex From Game Of Thrones


Sophie Turner opens up to The Times about learning about oral sex from her Game of Thrones script. She was thirteen at the time. An age when a girl is either planning an Easy Bake Oven feast in her Frozen Elsa costume or dancing on pool tables for her abortion fund. The magnitude of Turner’s admission is contingent on her exposure as a thirteen-year-old. Corrupted or simply expanding on her Saturday night.

The first time I ever found out about oral sex was from reading the script. I was like… ‘Wow! People do that? That’s fascinating! I guess that was my sex education. 

If a school teacher handed a student a book on oral sex he’d be on the front page of the local newspaper with the headline “He Blinded Me With Science And Rape.” But the entertainment industry is more liberated. You’ll need to learn about oral sex at some point if you want to make it in Hollywood. 

Child stars have the ability to make anything cute. This extends until early adulthood or until they become alcoholics. Millie Bobby Brown could take a dump in Oprah’s mouth and Buzzfeed would provide the Top Ten other celebrities Brown should shit on. Number nine will shock you. It’s Bella Thorne. Game of Thrones stars spin gold with their interviews. On GOT they whisk us away to a dreamlike rapey land of intrigue. On late night they squirm around in their chairs next to a lactating Jimmy Fallon. 

The twenty-one-year-old Turner also addresses a highly-publicized Game of Thrones rape scene in her interview:

Sexual assault wasn’t something that had affected me or anybody I knew, so I was pretty blasé about the whole thing. Naively so. And then I shot the scene, and in the aftermath there was this huge uproar that we would depict something like that on television. My first response was like, maybe we shouldn’t have put that on screen at all.

The more we talk about sexual assault the better, and screw the people who are saying we shouldn’t be putting this on TV and screw the people who are saying they’re going to boycott the show because of it.

The depiction of rape in movies and television is more common than a character having two dates in one night on a CBS sitcom. Why else do you pay for cable. The oral sex confession seems like more of a conversation starter to me. But it’s hard to focus on the seriousness of exposing young actors to sexually explicit material. They’re just too darn cute.

Photo Credit: The Times 

Tagged in: sophie turner


Michelle Monaghan Still Intact


Michelle Monaghan was never supposed to be a thing. And she pretty much isn’t. But the world is powerless to an actress over forty who doesn’t register as emotionally exhausted Silly Putty. The forty-one-year-old Monaghan fits the bill for now. Her disparate Instagram posting style shows her age. A dream catcher, font-plagued motivational quotes, and age-inappropriate selfies say “Hello world, I was born before the floppy disk.” But Monaghan’s body hasn’t let her down. Her new Instagram picture proves to the world that her arms can support her body weight. A feather in her cap considering the same can’t be said for some Americans’ legs. 

The former off-brand Sandra Bullock found her time in the limelight thanks to a smattering of supporting roles in high-profile flicks, as well as her Hulu series The Path. I always thought the nose would hold Monaghan back. Good for her. She’ll be teaming up with Tom Cruise once again for the upcoming Mission Impossible: Holy Shit Who Cares. Monaghan is famous enough for the Internet to give a shit about her shameless Insta posts. A true measure of a celebrity’s clout.    

The #tbt in the caption, “Cartwheeling into the weekend… It’s almost here! #tbt,” could mean that trickery is afoot. Throwback to before or after you were ransacked by human embryos? But Monaghan has looked fuckable in two Instagram pictures since May, so we’re probably in the clear. She kept up a hot bod and showed her tits on True Detective The Path. Bullock kept clothed but had a highly-publicized divorce with a neo-Nazi. Both compelling career paths. But I’ll take Monaghan. 


Photo Credit: Instagram

Tagged in: photos, michelle monaghan


MrSkin $149 LIFETIME with FREE PlayboyPlus For America!


America is about a lot of things. Bald eagles, cheap crappy beer, fireworks, and unfiltered access to an internet that is filled hot women getting naked! The celebrity phenomenon is uniquely American as well. This makes the folks at MrSkin.com the biggest patriots of all for amassing the largest collection of Celebrity Nudity anywhere in the world.

This 4th of July, MrSkin.com is really going full red, white, and blue by offering a LIFETIME of celebrity tits and ass at MrSkin.com. They didn’t stop there though, they decided to put a cherry on top of this god damn patriotic American apple pie by offering anyone who signs up a FREE MONTH of PlayboyPlus. You read that right, you get the hottest naked celebrities on earth for life AND a month of the hottest models that Playboy could find in this great country.

Offers this amazing are only possible because this is America so do your patriotic duty and sign up now for a lifetime of happiness!


Tagged in: playboy, deals, mr. skin


Let's Face It, Snapchat is for Porn (VIDEO)


Social media platform Snapchat can be used for many things like applying for a job at McDonalds or watching new Time Warner programs. At the end of the day, though, like everything else on the internet, it’s primarily used for porn.

Unlike so many other social media sites like Facebook and Instagram, Snapchat has no content restrictions, opening up a whole new world for internet perverts like you and me. Probably the saddest thing about Snapchat is that the content’s impermanence, but anyone with even a cursory bit of tech know-how can save pics and videos from the platform and enjoy them any old time of the day. 

When Al Gore invented the internet, he probably had no idea it would become a porn mecca—especially with his wife Tipper spending her whole life screaming at anyone who’ll listen about the children, like some twisted real world version of Helen Lovejoy. Thankfully, people smarter than Al Gore have given us what we really wanted in the first place, and if you’re even the slightest bit curious about how to get your hands on more porn than you’re currently consuming, I think Snapchat’s a great app to investigate. It certainly makes no bones about the fact that, at the end of the day, it’s really for porn.

Tagged in: porn, snapchat, apps, app


Lil Kim Fingered


You know how when you’re not happy with your Airbnb so you bust into the property manager’s place with ski masks and guns and demand your money back? Lil Kim and her crew allegedly called on that oldie during the big BET Awards Show weekend in L.A.

According to cops who turn evidence over directly to TMZ, Lil Kim and her entourage rented a swank place out of the BET weekend. They weren’t happy with the digs for whatever reason and tried to get their money back from the female landlord. At 2am. An argument ensued and cops were called to the scene. It was BET Awards weekend so they were already prepped to be busy between the overnight hours. The police decided the unhappy Lil Kim and her party renters were a civil matter and told everybody to shut up and figure it out on Monday.

A couple hours later, ski-mask wearing men, and possibly one overweight 40-something newish mom, busted into the property manager’s place brandishing weapons and took back Lil Kim’s deposit check and cash. About $20K. You can imagine the war room planning that went into this heist. 

Lil Kim is now being sought for questioning by the police in regard to the armed robbery. Since everybody knows this is obviously her and her crew’s doing, it’s really a matter of how much city time and resources can be wasted before knocking down the charges to celebrity misdemeanors. On the downside, there’s going to be the arrest. On the upside, Lil Kim’s decision to abort Biggie’s baby twenty years ago continues to look solid in hindsight.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Tagged in: lil kim


Bella Hadid Handle With Care


Bella Hadid is tearing through Paris like the publicity machine Tasmanian Devil wearing anything that sticks. Her style sensibilities have left her in a bra and bright orange 90’s prostitute-inspired garb. Since Hadid looks like she was thirty in the 90’s, it all just works. 

The Japanese sex robot with something to prove wore her Orange is the New Whore ensemble to a party celebrating the Heron Preston Menswear Spring/Summer 2018 collection. If that means anything to you, then congrats, you suck. Hadid graciously warns anyone getting close to her vag to “Handle With Care.” And with medical-grade exam gloves. The movie Contagion is closer than we think. 

While fellow ho troll Bella Thorne strategically spins a tabloid yarn complete with intrigue, surprises, and plastic surgery that looks like it was purchased through Groupon, Hadid just fucking shows up. Thorne might be receiving Scott Disick for publicity. Hadid throws on funky shades and calls it a day. Something’s amiss. Maybe she’s innately interesting. Maybe the paps can’t stop clicking on their cameras because they think she’s Cher from the year 2040.

Hadid thinks she’s somebody. She’s got a tight bod, history with Lyme Disease, and millions of purchased social media followers going for her. All good things in this biz. Of course there’s also the possibility that Hadid’s been handled with care by every tabloid editor alive. The alternative to fucking a reality television star.


Photo Credit: Splash News

Tagged in: photos, bella hadid


This Week's Mr. Skin Minute Uncovers Kirsten Dunst's Beguiling Boobs (VIDEO)

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Kirsten Dunst is back in theaters this weekend in Sofia Coppola’s remake of the Clint Eastwood classic The Beguiled, which is about the only excuse Mr. Skin needed to talk about Kirsten’s phenomenal fun bags in this week’s Mr. Skin Minute! Since she doesn’t go nude in her newest film, Mr. Skin takes us back to 2011’s Melancholia where she went fantastically full frontal while bathing in the moonlight!

Next up is American Gods which is proving to be one of the most skinsational new series on television, and the gorgeous Yetide Badaki went nude once again this week! The episode, humorously titled “Come to Jesus” featured Yetide going topless for one seriously crazy orgy! 

Finally this week, Tatiana Maslany bared her beautiful backside on the hit series Orphan Black. If you’ve watched the series, you know that she plays multiple roles and one of her characters made a break for it while in a hospital gown which was open in the back, giving us a peek at her cheeks!

As always, this is but a taste of the great things that await you on MrSkin.com, so be sure to head over there today and start fast forwarding to the good parts!

Tagged in: video, celebrities, american gods, mr skin minute, kirsten dunst, orphan black, tatiana maslany, mr. skin, yetide badaki


Miley Cyrus Proves Worth


Miley Cyrus took to Instagram with a bikini picture that proves you’d probably fuck her despite your protestations. The singer can be seen sucking down her day’s worth of calories in a red swimsuit alongside two of her captives. The beginning-of-summer bikini selfie is as quintessential to a celebrity as sweaty gym checkups. We have to make sure they’re in working condition before we decide if they need to be tossed in the landfill. At twenty-four Cyrus’ next few years should be a breeze. The betting line will change sharply after thirty.

Cyrus is in the middle of her drug-free soulful country rebirth. Impossible without a thigh gap that’s at least two inches. Cyrus’ Bangerz era was defined by titty flashes and helping Terry Richardson climax by swinging around nude on a gigantic ball. Now she’s balancing “do-able” with a pared down demonstration of her talent. The music video for Malibu features Cyrus manically tugging at her clothes for four minutes without actually taking them off. That’s restraint. Billy Ray texted her with a sad face emoji. Did your childhood mean nothing?

Lady Gaga’s country-ish Joanne era is defined by her thirty extra pounds. We appreciate raw talent when it’s thin. Her body selfies on Instagram became more of a defiant stance against the male gaze than demonstrations of a light eating disorder. No one’s buying it. A MiCyrus captions her bikini-clad Instagram post with:

Summmmmer is heeeeerrrre! Bring on Z fruit , sunshine (always spf) , & goooood times! 

You have to admire her pubescent exuberance. Although you wonder if that’s her only option. Refusing to get a boob job makes me feel like we’re forever saying goodbye.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Tagged in: miley cyrus