Best Picture : Parasite
Parasite is a South Korean thriller movie about a poor family who begin working for a rich family in town, one by one they I guess lie to the wealthy family and acquire all the jobs of the household, from the driver and the housekeeper. While they gain access to this family I assume something more sinister and creepy happens but won’t spoiler alert it here. The director Bong Joon-Ho has produced other bangers in the past like The Host, and thanked Martin Scorsese for inspiring him in one of his many thank you speeches of the night.
Best Actress: Renee Zellweger for JUDY
Renee Zellweger was off a bean last night when she accepted the award for Best Actress for her role as Judy Garland. The squinty actress had a super long speech and by the end of it had thanked everyone from the Academy to “the first responders – whatever the hell that means. She looks like she took the role of pill popping Judy to a heart and seems to have mixed her uppers with her downers by the way she was speaking. I never wanted to music to cut someones speech off more than this one. Anyway congratulations to Renee who played Liza Minnelli’s mom which is basically just her playing the role Liza Minnelli has been playing her entire life.
Best Actor: Joaquin Phoenix for JOKER
The Joker was incredible. I’m not a big comic book person, and I haven’t seen the Jared Leto version OR the Heath Ledger version of The Joker but I believed the hype around this one and rented it when it was released. Joaquin deserved this 100% and he of course took the time during his speech to bring awareness to veganism. The actor also quoted his late brother River in the speech saying “When he was 17, my brother wrote this lyric ‘Run to the rescue with love and peace will follow’” Shout out River Phoenix.
Best Supporting Actress: Laura Dern for MARRIAGE STORY
I will say I was shocked when I saw Laura Dern in the first episode of Big Little Lies when it first aired because somehow she didn’t look very old to me, she looked like how she looked in Jurassic Park to me. But then I saw this picture of her on the red carpet for the Oscars and I was like oh ok she IS old. Anyway she took home best supporting actress which is fair because though her role was super small in Marriage Story she was still the best one in the movie because the rest of the film was overwritten garbage. In my opinion…
Best Supporting Actor: Brad Pitt for ONCE UPON A TIME…IN HOLLYWOOD
Brad Pitt, another actor who’s aging is starting to catch up with them, he got up there with his grey hair and made some romantic comments about his buddy and co-star Leonardo DiCaprio, thanks Tarantino and then thanked his kids for putting color in his life or something. Racist.
Best Director : Bong Joon-ho for PARASITE
Best Costume Design: Little Women
Little Women did have some good costumes from what I’ve seen but I’m not a fan of Noah Bombach’s wife so I won’t be watching this remake of Little Women with Florence Pugh and cannot comment really further on the movie. I do know your girl Laura Dern is also in this one so congrats to her for a great year.
Best Sound Mixing: 1917
Q: What did people living in 1916 say?
A: I haven’t seen 1917.
Best Sound Editing: 1917
Best Original Score: Hildur Gudnadottir for JOKER
Best Original Song: I’m Gonna Love Me Again for ROCKETMAN
Elton John took the stage with his longtime writing partner Bernie Taupin who were both portrayed in the movie Rocketman, which I did actually watch but I fell asleep before the ending so I have NO idea what happens in the end. I do know that Elton John had a Oscars AIDS Foundation after party though.
Best Animate Feature: Toy Story 4
Best Live Action Short Film: The Neighbours Window
Ok this is the award that Shia LaBeouf presented with his co-star Zack Gottsagen, an actor with Downs Syndrome (If thats even what they call it anymore sorry if thats not PC). The pair star in the movie Peanut Butter Falcon together and I knew as soon as I saw Shia interacting with the Zack kid that the Social Justice Warriors were going to come for him. Turns out viewers thought Shia was laughing at the kid and appeared to have run out of patience with him. So ya, people want to cancel Shia LaBeouf now, did they not realize he’s a weirdo and probably acts like that around anyone? The guy is his co-star why would he pick the oscars to publicly laugh at the kid? I think it’s a reach.
Best Documentary Feature: American Factory
Best Doctumentary Short: Learning To Skateboard in A Warzone
Best Visual Effects: 1917
Best Original Screenplay: Bong Joon-ho and Han Jin-won for PARASITE
Best Adapted Screenplay: Taika Waititi for JOJO RABBIT
Taika Waititi is great, he co-directed and starred in What We Do in the Shadows, which is hilarious. And he took home the award for Best Adapted Screenplay for his new movie Jojo Rabbit which is the story of a young boy growing up in Nazi Germany (trigger warning) and his imaginary friend is Hitler.
Best International Feature: PARASITE
Best Production Design: ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD
Best Film Editing: FORD VS FERRARI
Best Cinematography: 1917
Best Make-up & Hairstyling: BOMBSELL
The hair and make-up people of Bombshell deserved this award for their hard work of getting Charlize Theron into Megyn Kelly drag every day. I heard Charlize tell Ryan Seacrest on the Red Carpet that she has watched the movie 52 times. Would you ever watch a movie you were in 52 times? Anyway Bombshell is the movie version of the show we all already watched with Russell Crowe called The Loudest Voice, about Roger Ailes and his sexual misconduct against the women of Fox. Margot Robbie was also in this movie.