Salma Passed Go Years Ago

June 30, 2021 | Celebs | Media Man |

Salma Hayek is living, aging testament to the fact that if you fat or ugly or Russian, and you have $7 billion dollars, you get to motorboat an Aztec treasure chest.

Hayek married Francois-Henri Pinault – i.e.Some Rich French Dude – back in 2009 and hasn’t spent all his money yet. And who can blame her for cashing in? As a minor league Mexican soap star with world-class chestnuts, there were only 2 paths to freedom, and the cartels play rough.

Our friends at Mr. Skin will tell you she hasn’t earned the cinematic upper echelon of an Eva Green and Angelina Jolie, who’ve given us hours of on-screen mammary examinations. But we always hope for Hayek, even in her 50s (with the right lighting and support, of course).

Whether she’s “complaining” about her ever-growing net-worth or letting her lower-class fans know the secret of a successful marriage, we at WWTDD highly recommend adding 5 million Euros to any relationship.

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Bella Beotch

June 30, 2021 | Celebs | Media Man |

Critics are dismissive of “influencer” Bella Poarch and her 170+ million hits on her “Build a Bitch” video. So she doesn’t have traditional talent like “singing” or “dancing” or “acting” – that’s old school – but her TikTok videos are creamy, and that’s all Gen Y needs.

The point actual musicians are missing is that she’s caf, in a cartoon come to life kinda way – somewhere between manga fantasy, self-aware American teen, and blow-up sex doll (its all laid out in her video). Poarch is less a manufactured pop star and more of an extension of Jessica Rabbit hentai.

And that works – so what if she sounds like a deflating tire? You havta be needlessly expressive, and wear too much make-up and not enough clothing, to make an impact in 60 seconds. She’s even taken a page from low-talent predecessor Demi Lovato by shilling a past of poor mental health and childhood abuse to engender fans; muffin we already knew that from the artless tats and relentless need for online attention.

Bring it on – the more Hollywood sluts blur the line between reality and deepfake holograms, the less guilty we feel about Taylor Swift porn.

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The End of Sexy

June 23, 2021 | celebrity | Media Man |

Those of you who fantasize about sex with a Victoria’s Secret model – in other words, Men – get ready for some shrinkage. In a desperate attempt to fend off bankruptcy (gdi), the venerable Prostitution …, er, Lingerie company is punting sexy, curvy, slim, bronzed angels for … sorry, lost my train of thought.

The Board musta told Marketing to get some Edgy Women on the field, so they drafted diversity (Priyanka Chopra), tranny (Valentina Sampaio), victim/refugee (Adut Akech), and manly (Megan Rapinoe). Ballsy choices, unfortunately; if you find Rapinoe fapable that’s fine – you can also Google “misshapen oak tree” to get the same imagery. (Btw she’s racist apparently – solid background-check work, HR).

It’s a sad day for heterosexuality and identifiable femininity. What’s the line from “The Incredibles” – when everyone is sexy, no-one is sexy.

Story By: EgotasticSports

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Virtual Signalling Gold

You know how Vegas gives odds on everything to do with the Superbowl, like the final score, first turnover, length of the national anthem, etc.? They oughta set odds for which social issue each athlete will spout off during the Summer Olympics, and the over/under on their virtue-signaling rant.

Aussie swimmer Medaline Groves just dropped out of The Games due to pressure from “misogynist perverts”; in the past she’s complained about inappropriate comments from a “well-known coach”. These coaches’ (men?) behavior is boorish and demeaning – but are you telling us that a professional swimmer has never encountered the Male Gaze in her entire career? She just realized some pigs are only looking for skin? (And if you think this only happens to girls, think of how many women (and men) stared at Michael Phelp’s package when he crawled outa the pool).

This is only the beginning of the what sb an Olympics of Outrage and Shaming, and we pity pious Japanese officials trying to get the winners to the podium without long speeches about the patriarchy, BLM, Palestine, Trump (for and against), migrants, poverty, Gamergate, New Coke, etc, etc.

In the NBA, if you don’t wanna “shut up and dribble” there are 82 games for Lebron to express his opinion – or not – you’re allowed to just talk about, you know, Sports. These Olympic SJWs – most of which we’ve never heard of – will wake up in their exceptionally clean athletes village and think “I only have this one chance to tell the world about the suffering of cuttlefish” and we all have to endure it.

Yall is gonna havta promise – PROMISE – to not watch women’s swimming, diving, volleyball, javelin, etc. for the T&A. I’m taking the Over on this one.

Story By: USA Today

Judge Kim Kardashian

June 11, 2021 | Celebs | Media Man |

Instead of taking the low road – which would be chalking news that Kim K failed her “baby bar” exam again, bc she’s an idiot – let’s recognize her lofty goals and unselfish ambition.

Like many people, we knew when we first saw Kim laid out in grainy videos, and oiled up naked on obscure websites, and riding Kayne on his motorbike – this is the kind of person that would someday petition the Supreme Court on prisoners’ rights. Or like me, when she posed in too-small swimsuits or slutty Disney costumes, you probably pictured her in judges’ robes, or perhaps wearing that poofy white wig of an English barrister.

Perhaps it was the time she wore $1 billion in jewelry while vacationing in the south of France that we all realized: this humble heroine will be the voice of the oppressed, the unjustly accused, the Little People; that Kim is a Womyn who will put down her trophy children to study for a grueling bar exam, and no Man can stand in her way (except for her PR manager, divorce lawyer, webmaster, Twitter writer, and maybe the pastry chef).

We knows you is “totally bummed” Kim – keep reaching for the stars, we’ll keep fapping.

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Salary Equity is Not Enough Anymore

June 8, 2021 | ATHLETES | Media Man |

Belarusian tennis star Victoria Azarenka – yeah, I guess that’s a thing – told the French Open that it’s fine that women tennis players are paid the same as men, but that’s not good enough – wtf?

Seems it’s more shibby to play night games or something, and women are being disrespected by the scheduling of the tournament v. men. Also the showers are kinda icky, and could someone come by and clean them up, like they do on the men’s side ffs?

The never-ending path of feminist appeasement, coupled with the entitlement of professional athletes, has lead communist Azarenka to slag off on whatever boils her potato – AFTER losing out of the tourney. The Interwebs quotes her disdain on “everything aside from the prize money” – wtf else matters?

Maybe she wants more late games to facilitate her escape from Putin’s puppet state? Here’s an idea – maybe instead of flapping your upperlips at the press squeezer, when you fly back to Belarus (average annual salary 15K) – if that’s allowed – you can hand out part of the million Euros you’re pocketed to the other bitches working the factories.

Story By: Fox Sports

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Angel Atiana

June 7, 2021 | Celebs | Media Man |

What do you call a retired Mexican boxer who’s worth over $200 million? We don’t give a ff – not when you can eyeball Oscar’s 22 yo daughter Atiana De La Hoya

We should have seen this coming – latino tough-guy twinkie pins down (former) model Shanna Moakler, and 2 decades later smokeshow Atiana hits the Gram. Moakler has gone Full Tramp now (whodathunk) but worth a peek back in time, and Oscar still seems to have his brain intact (a major achievement for a professional boxer), despite some potholes – alcohol, womanizing, accusations of abuse – standard celebrity shit.

But Atiana is starting to climb the charts, with dark eyes and long hair and an Absent Daddy who will surely overcompensate to upgrade whatever parts need upgrading.

We don’t want her to pickup Mama’s whoring, and certainly not Dad’s career; and she has to be careful living on the edge of the Kardashian blackhole (via stepdad’s new gf, or something) – but we think a few nudes like Mom will help.

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Female Sex is Good Press

June 3, 2021 | News | Media Man |

Love the story of the Danish “reporter” who banged her way to her publication deadline (link below) about “swingers clubs” in Copenhagen… are they really still called “swingers club”, in a Sixties, Austin Powers kinda way? Shouldn’t the Danes have adopted a germanic version like Porkenhausen or Ballzendamen?

Soze this “newswoman” determined the best way to report on sex at a club with a stranger was to lay into it headfirst – good thing she wasn’t investigating chemical poisons or deadly insects (YouTube has that covered). (There’s a whole other topic on women who’ve wandered into Syria or climbed volcanos under the guise of “journalism” and gotten their asses kicked, that we’ll save for another day).

Yet again notice how a woman having sex for profit – even a frizzy, European slut – is seen as cute and naughty and empowering. If a swarthy, squat man was to take on this assignment – say Paul Giamatti punctured an opportunistic milf for a story on menopause – the Media would render it as abusive and crude and paternalistic.

In no way is Big Media suggesting Miss Fischer’s act is whoring or immoral or illegal – just a woman going the extra few inches to get her story. Now if she was holding a handgun while getting railed, or wearing black-face or a Monsanto hat – that would be clickbait.

Story By: barstool sports

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The Joy of Bachelorhood

June 2, 2021 | Celebs | Media Man |

Everyone knows the way to win on The Bachelor (or the Bachelorette, you slut) is not at the final episode, but how much you tap behind the scenes.

Ex The Bachelor Nick Viall (isn’t he still technically a “bachelor”?) gets this, and has rolled up with new beard Natalie Joy, and kudos man. (The picture in US Weekly says it all )

We don’t know much about the show since we only watch when our gf has it on – sorry dudes, it’s a Woman’s Show – but we know a rocket when we see one, and Joy is what her name says.

Looks like there’s other honeys on the show, but if I wanted over-lit soft-porn I’d head to SexArt rather than network television. The whole enterprise reminds us of the first 20 minutes of “Wedding Crashers”, where Owen Wilson and Vince Vaugh score a buncha pre-romanced bridesmaids and move on.

Noted – well played Viall, keep doing what you do best.

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Disclaimer: All rights reserved for writing and editorial content. No rights or credit claimed for any images featured on wwtdd.com unless stated. If you own rights to any of the images because YOU ARE THE PHOTOGRAPHER and do not wish them to appear here, please contact us info(@)egotastic.com and they will be promptly removed. If you are a representative of the photographer, provide signed documentation in your query that you are acting on that individual’s legal copyright holder status.

Know Your Ashleys

June 1, 2021 | Celebs | Media Man |

Deadline and others are reporting that Ashley Greene has been cast in the upcoming flick “The Retirement Plan” alongside Nicolas Cage, Ron Perlman, Ron Fox, and others. It’s a story of a young woman who gets caught up in criminal activity blah blah blah – you had us at “Ashley Greene”.

This petite, no-longer-young effy was one of the best parts of the whiny “Twilight” series, and made her name painted nude in ads and my dreams. She also had a small role in “Bombshell” but few noticed – a movie about Big Media corruption and sexism is as ground-breaking as one exposing corruption in college sports.

Don’t forget – we’re talking about Ashley GREENE not Ashley GRAHAM, who is also cute in an IMAX sorta way. If you wanna fap to something lithe and elfin, go with Greene, but if your preference is something Costco size with heart-disease in the future, Graham is worth a tug.

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Disclaimer: All rights reserved for writing and editorial content. No rights or credit claimed for any images featured on wwtdd.com unless stated. If you own rights to any of the images because YOU ARE THE PHOTOGRAPHER and do not wish them to appear here, please contact us info(@)egotastic.com and they will be promptly removed. If you are a representative of the photographer, provide signed documentation in your query that you are acting on that individual’s legal copyright holder status.