Shocker: Awards Shows Are Corrupt

The Weeknd – the person, not the grammatical error – is grousing that he wasn’t nominated for a Grammy Award, because he’s great, he’s popular, he showers often, blah blah blah. Fellow musicians who are looking to boost their profile have blazed in, suggesting he was robbed for being snubbed – or maybe he was snubbed bc he was robbed?

Abel Makkonen Tesfaye (now you know why he has a stage name) went so far as to suggest “the Grammy’s remain corrupt” – who knew? He also said the sun will rise in the east tmrw morning – another shocker!

You mean to tell us that of the 6 million songs that are released in a year on radio, streaming, YouTube, pirated, and busked in Times Square, they aren’t all fairly reviewed based only on artistic merit? That may be, in a slap to the face of bald talent and vocal juice, that songs, albums, videos, and even spoken word (the last bastion of pure artistic output!) – may be judged based on popularity, money, and whether the singer is a preening twit or not? (Well that last bit doesn’t explain why Maroon 5 gets nominated.)

Young Abel just got educated in the ways of Los Angeles, where it’s not all limos and ice-cream and screaming young girls, and perhaps the Canadian crooner needs to punk out in his 5-star studio or northern mansion to rethink plans to stay on top.

Or he can man up and say fukit to the whole thing, bc his royalties could buy a small European country (like one of the shitty eastern ones). Don’t whine Mr. Weekend – write a song about how you’ve been unfairly burnt and watch it hit #1 on Billboard – rolling around on stacks of money Scrooge McDuck style is the way to exact revenge on those nasty Grammys!

How about a huge gallery of BELLA HADID since they dated multiple times!

Story Via US MAGAZINE

Career Fluidity

To get ahead in Hollywood you have to be a little bit gay – not too much, but not too little – and the amount depends on the role, the casting director, and the virtue signaling of the film.

Today’s gayer than thou hero is Kirsten Stewart, who used to be straight and is now gay, I guess, and coincidentally that the parts she’s landing. For a straight person to play a Gay role is really a matter of having your “finger on the pulse and actually have to care“, Stewart says in Variety, as if caring and permission drive box office results.

We remember when actors used to “pretend” to be someone they’re not, instead of having to provide their social license to meet a casting agent. Qualifying for a role was once based on talent (and sleeping with the director), not life choices and SJW cred.

To take this to its logical end – and we realize that “logical” and “Hollywood” rarely enjoy the same sentence – do you have to be a prostitute to honestly portray one on-screen, to have your “finger on the pulse”? Wouldn’t someone who’s served time for 2nd degree make a more credible murderer than a selfless bro from SoCal? (And God bless Danny Trejo, who is both). How does any popular actor/actress realistically play an introvert, a Klingon, a princess, or Jeffrey Dalmer without judgment?

Tom Cruise was obviously a poor choice to play Lestat having never really sipped blood, or so say the vampiric purists. Zachary Quinto seems like a pretty cool dude – does Spock have to be baafie from now on?

Stewart can pretend to be a deep-sea diving mechanical engineer (in “Underwater”) with no experience or karmic penalty – let’s see what happens to her moral career choices once she’s offered $20 million and points on the back end to play a straight superhero.

Story Via Variety

Santa is a Creep Now

We’re with our sister sites here – John Travolta playing any sort of traditional Santa Claus is creepy.

Not just because Travolta is creepy – well, we don’t know that for sure, but he’s sure inhabited that portrayal – but because of the long line of personal and cinematic choices he’s made. We’re not talking Bing Crosby or Tom Hanks wholesomeness here – nor Jim Carrey creepy, which would be funny and sardonic.

The dude has been a convincing psychopath, hit-man, transvestite, Boss villain, etc., movie images that don’t lean toward Jolly Old Elf; and colleague Samuel L. Jackson ain’t no angel either, although we’re sure he’s played one somewhere in his 1000 IMDb credits. (Travolta’s version of an Angel in “Michael” was a drunk and nihilist, just to complete the point).

Think of it this way: if some greasy New Yorker who sulks in the corner of a high-end bistro and leers at the baristas – male and female – puts on a red suit and a fake white beard, would you put your 5 yo on his lap?

In Travolta’s defense, he good at play a charming dink – give him the mile-high wig he wore in “Battlefield Earth”, one of his Armani suits, and ask him to dance with mid-90s Uma Thurman (or wife Kelly Preston, RIP), and I’d put $5 donation in his gift-bag.

Story Via TOO FAB

How about some Kelly Preston (RIP) or is it “Too Soon?”

Chess is Hot

… no of course it’s not, but you do need a big brain and life above the poverty line to play at a boss level. For some reason, to have that brain housed behind a pretty face and long hair is still a novelty, as exposed by a BBC report on sisters Andrea and Alexandra Botez.

Where the hell did we Men get that idea that you can’t be attractive and intelligent at the same time? Is this some Boomer holdover from Marilyn Monroe or Chrissy on “Three’s Company” or AOC (jk) that fos is equated with stupidity?

The Botez sisters have “The Queen’s Gambit” to thank for their newfound clicks, but they are also as haf as star Anya Taylor-Joy, and obviously as mink (as the woman she portrays). Although Taylor-Joy is #1 on our list of semi-famous actresses we’d love to see naked – bc gorgy – we’d rather see the Botez-iz stream chess matches in tight sweaters. One thing at a time cowboy.

We at WWTDD are always ready to be a kept man, and if that means your gf knows more world capitals than you, c’est-la-vie. Babe, you take your 125 IQ and yoto skirt and disaffected stare downtown to conquer Wall Street, and we’ll keep the apartment (and your legs) clean. Ain’t no complaining about who scores highest on Jeopardy when your mamasita looks like a Botez girl.

Story via BBC

Teenie Baby

For those of you who don’t know US College sports – the best NFL players come from the best US colleges who come from the best high-school programs who come from … kindergarten? You can follow the money backward, which is crazy beans in the NFL and NCAA, and who better to follow the money than the babins.

E.g. future #1 draft pick Trevor Lawrence, he of the big arm and wavy hair, who will end up wearing the gang-green of the NY Jets come summer – which is good for New York but bad for football fans, bc Jets suck. (We’re assuming Head&Shoulders has already talked to his agent for when he hits the Big Time).

So of course he already has arm-candy Marissa Mawry, who recently celebrated her 21st birthday with her boo and will stick with him through thick or thin, or at least until the signing bonus is gone.

Looking at caf Mawry I don’t see any reason for Lawrence to trade-up, but of course he’ll get paid soon and might tire of the same beard – it’s the way of professional athletes.

The bigger concern is how low do you go – is some Jenner-like mom pushing her pre-teen daughter to hook-up with a sophomore with good genes, just in case he lands in the Show? The short answer is “yes”, and we’re not sure that’s a good thing.

Story by EGOTASTIC SPORTS

Sweater Puppets

November 18, 2020 | News | Media Man |

I hadda buddy who was all about the twins – it didn’t matter if a girl was fat or ugly or North Korean, as long as she had Big Guns he would take a swing. And that’s an admirable thing.

I’ve always said Men are doing women a favor by focusing on boobs – bc all women can get them. Think about it: how often have you been chulla with the boys and said “sure she has bald spots – but lookit those funbags!” Nice baps make every woman desirable, from Pam Grier to Dolly Parton to AT&T girl Milana Vayntrub.

Because most women can afford breast augmentation surgery, we should support this physical fascination. Think how it would suck if we judged women based on the length of their arms or their skin color or their teeth – do you know how expensive and time consuming it is to get a straight, white grill? No matter how far they rank on the Lena Dunham scale, women can become desirable with an affordable, non-invasive silicon procedure.

Now we’re not saying all women must augment themselves – Natalie Portman has gotta be the most deep-faked celeb there is – but WWTDD supports any woman who does, yes Lordy.

Which is why we need a petition on Change.org to get Vayntrub a new agent – no way a girl with that smile and that rack should have to return to TV ads.

Story Via FILMTHREAT

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Princess Mara

We all know what a dumpster fire the “Fantastic Four” reboot was in 2015, but the male leads – Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Jamie Bell – seemed to do pretty well in their subsequent careers. Other than House of Cards, I’m not sure where co-star Kate Mara ended up – and now we know why.

According to the semi-employed actress, it was male directors who retarded her meteoric rise to stardom, including idiot FF4 director Josh Trank, saying “ both of my bad experiences [were where] the movies were 95% men”. No word on if she was held back by male studio heads, writers, publicists, agents, or drivers – maybe it was just the creative, impactful positions employed by men that halted her artistic progress, and that males are still welcome in on-set peon roles like carpenter or gaffer.

Once again, we at WWTDD point out the dumpster fire that would follow a male actor suggesting powerful Hollywood women are sabotaging his career. If Tom Cruise was to tell “Us” that he only wants to work with male directors from now on, he would be vilified like a Scientologist whose cheque didn’t clear.

I guess there’s a valid reason why we don’t hear Mara’s name alongside other superheroine successes like Scarlett Johansson or Evangeline Lilly or Gal Gadot or multimillionaire Jessica Alba – the patriarchy.

Story Via INSIDER

Ellen – All is Forgiven

Ellen Degeneres is in the news alot these days, and that’s not good for her PR or bottom line. First, there were accusations of mistreatment by and of her staff (who knew that sorta thing happened in broadcast television?), layoffs that somehow are not her fault, and selling off one of her mansions bc rich.

The short-haired sprite has struggled to promote her message of kindness to others (and how fing hard is that when your worth $420 million) in the face of reality, but sounds like she has it solved: her $54.99 BE KIND box (notice the ALL CAPS) for giving to lesser humans, which is apparently worth $270. No word on if it carries hand-sanitizer or winter hats or something useful in these times – we’re thinking lotsa feminist crap that’s typically found on Goop for 4x the price. Just in time for the holiday season Karen!

No doubt the laid-off staff were entitled to one (1) BE KIND box on the way on the door – may be the damaged ones with only half the moisturizer cream – and these boxes will be oxie for west coast Ellen wannabes who wouldn’t be allowed to cut the grass at one of Degeneres’ mansions.

But anything to keep the Hollywood gossip at bay, and change the channel from what a bitch doofus she may/may not be. If you’re like me, the main thing that jumps out in the article is her age – 62 – who thought that lesbian Tinkerbell could grow so old?

Here’s some Anne Hathawy on Ellen from the Archive to make this less about Ellen!

Story inspired by this story on PAGE SIX

Babes in Office

In the past I’ve been a sucker for clickbait “you won’t believe what this politician looks like” tagged to a Photoshopped pic of some Italian model in a dress-suit. Not anymore – unless these ads are referenced by our sponsors, in which case they are entirely compelling and authentic.

But we at WWTDD are 100% supporters of New Zealand MP, who’s traditional Maori face tattoo is not considered ugly in some circles. Certainly not her small circle of Kiwi tribesmen who are used to turning their male gaze on their livestock, so let’s applaud them for looking to level up to human females. Someone with White Women fashion sense has decided to call Mahuta “uncivilized”, forgetting that she’s a duly elected official residing in a highly woke culture.

If political women are judged by their appearance, this is completely wrong. Women in power should be able to dress or walk or disfigure themselves however their medieval society dictates, without recrimination from men or women or sheep.

If fact, if some barbie was elected to the US Senate or Spanish court or African cabal, we Woke Men would have her back. If sacred traditions mandate that she shower before going to chambers, wear excessive make-up, or draw attention to her augmented chest, of course we won’t judge her. Appearance shouldn’t matter, whether you look like Irina Shayk or Joan Smalls or Kiwi countryman Stella Maxwell wearing her traditional bikini.

Let’s all pray that some inspired tribeswoman delivers her party’s filibuster in the ancient topless way, so that Katey Perry and Charlotte Mckinney can serve their country in similar political positions. All you Haters can stick with RBG.

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Story via BBC

Now some Charlotte McKinney!

Amber on Top Again

I don’t know how gold-digging witch Amber Heard managed to convince a UK judge that she is an innocent victim in her libel case with Johnny Depp. Some obviously candyass English judge decided that Heard’s feelings were hurt, and that she’s not a lying bitch and nihilist.

That may not be the exact wording of the verdict, but we’re straight with his lawyer on this “perverse and bewildering decision.” Mark this as a win for victim’s rights – if you believe for one second that a shrill slut who landed Elon Musk and never flies coach is any sort of victim.

Maybe it has something to do with the allure of the salacious UK tabloids, who are less interested in truth and repercussions than even our press. And it’s hard to believe anyone other than a fellow drug addict would be “scared” of Depp, who’s not exactly the peak of masculinity. But if a woman’s fears are the basis for overturning libel cases, allowing Heard to cash in financially and morally, bimhos should become friends and then fearful of Jeff Bezos.

We pray this bushpig’s day will come: on the set of the Aquaman sequel, chewing out some Nicaraguan maid, or actually getting caught striking someone before she’s too old to raise her arms. When karma lands, and we pray it does (irony), WWTDD will be there for the bruising smack-down.

STORY VIA The Guardian