Jason Momoa is sorta Metal

There’s some guys you want to hang with in Hollywood – Tom Hanks, Denzel, and Leo (of course) – and some to avoid bc they are effeminate nihilists e.g. Jared Leto. It seems Jason Momoa doesn’t get his due – he’s the bro you’d call to chillax in the garage or at a concert.

His IMDb sheet is impressive – well, lately – but it’s the under-the-radar activities that make him a Man’s Man. Momoa regularly visits children’s hospitals, he parlayed his first big paycheck into a movie with indigenous co-stars, and he saved his costar (the yummy Emilia Clarke) from on-set embarrassment on the set of “Game of Thrones” (not an easy game when simulating doggy-style). He looks uncomfortable talking about himself or sitting on cutesy movie-set chairs – as all Men would be.

Momoa has a high-quality beard – and one on his face too (see what we did there?). The eternally beautiful Lisa Bonet, like all former child-stars, was in need of redemption, for her roller-coaster career and for putting up with the monotone, New York antics of Lenny Kravitz. She also shot one of the best soft-core scenes of the last 30 years in “Angel Heart” (Google it), so there’s that for him to look back on knowingly. Momoa can’t be bothered with ditz beach-bunnies apparently and locked in a well-run cougar.

And as any of us would do, he’s using this fame to get hold of more heavy metal – in this case, your Dad’s bangers Metallica, who gave him a copy of their new album early. We realize that suggesting creaky Metallica is metal is like calling Taylor Swift country – there’s a debate whether they “ever was”, and you could play either artist’s new album in the cemetery if you want to see Lemmy spinning in his grave.

Unlike most of Hollywood prima-donnas, he doesn’t take himself too seriously and is beloved by all stripes of women for it. Jason, I’ll drive you to that old-country concert if it means I get your daisy-duke seconds.

Story via LOUD WIRE

The System Works

Let’s all pour a 40 of candy-flavored liquor on the cell floor for pedophile R. Kelly, who incurred the wrath of his fellow inmates at Chicago’s Metropolitan Correctional Center this week (sounds like someplace outa an Orwellian sci-fi on Netflix). According to TMZ, the BBC, and others, a little incarceration self-correction was needed on Kelly due to interruptions in visitor time for his bunkmates.

Reading a bit of the history of this asshat’s case: we all want to “recruit girls to have sex”, but the details of his activities are illegal, recurring, inter-state, and stupid. The Media often glosses over the details of his charges – because he’s a hiphop star and dresses well, we guess – but there’s little room for sympathy when the convo turns to “underage sex”, “child pornography”, and “forced abortion”.

The details of the attack are unknown, but one hopes that the “extent of the injuries” is less “bruised my arm going to the hoop” and more “life-lesson from biker gang”. These sexual assault perps seem to give little thought to being on the receiving end of a beating, bc its all about control and not sex, as any junior-high psychology textbook would tell you (if Kelly’s supporters could actually read). I’m sure he has admirers inside the Correctional Center too – hopefully there’s more fathers saying “that could have been my 14-year-old you mf” and percussive hilarity ensues.

If and when Kelly is cleared of the “10 counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse” and the “additional 11 charges of sexual assault and abuse against a minor aged between 13 and 16”, we at WWTDD will apologize. But remember that every time a pedophile gets punched in the face, Chuck Norris sleeps a little better at night.

Story from BBC

Billie Eilish Trying Not to be Sexy

Calling Billie Eilish a professional singer is like saying Bugs Bunny is a rabbit – it’s accurate on some level, but dishonest in reality. If you put Eilish beside Adele – the Classic version or the new Calorie-Wise edition – only one would be asked to perform for royalty (or know which is the salad fork). Eilish does get paid (a lot) for what she does, which seems to be a minimal effort – she’s like Kris Jenner with bad genes.

Billie is making music in her home that looks like it’s on the edge of some clear-cut Oregon town, where instead of growing pato and writing communist blogs they’ve somehow mined low-key pop stardom. The Eilish house is undoubtedly full of books and 19th century plumbing and mold as a reinforcing paste – Tyler Durden approves. We used to think kids from these homes were packing guns and beeswax lung-darts – the Eilish are packing downbeat tracks and trailer-trash vacation photos.

But like all young western singers – and some poor twinkies in Korea – the question eventually comes from fans, her label, and her over-pressuring parents: when are you going to strip for Instagram? As mentioned on these August pages, the playbook for sexpot siren includes selling your body as much as your vocal cords, as wholly embraced by Miley Cyrus, Cristina Aguilera, and various other sluts.

But do we want to see Eilish naked? Does she want to go there? Would it matter? We’re not talking about whoring it up on the same level as Cyrus or Bella Thorne, who we all know (and hope) are one step away from making porn. Do we want to live in a world where industrial-grade women must disrobe to further their careers?

Maybe the question should be, would tousled hair and a tight wife-beater make Eilish more interesting and less dreary? If topless, plus-sized cranks are your flavor, the interwebs can provide – we like to think the number of men who admire Billie for keeping it on equal the number of pervs and Daily Mail paparazzi that wish otherwise. But who are we to judge.

So your spank-bank will have to suffice with deep-fakes on Google image search – and good luck putting that pussy back in the bag. Don’t feed the oversexualized media machine Billie – but maybe spend some time with a vocal coach.

STORY VIA VARIETY

Women are Winning / Losing Hollywood

The feminist narrative that women have been powerless in Hollywood since its inception doesn’t hold up to historical fact. Entertainment Media is constantly beating the drum about systemic inequality in showbiz, while simultaneously recognizing the “strong contributions” women have made in the past – sometimes on the same page. It’s a mind-boggling message of exclusion and outrage tempered with contradictory stories of tear-jerking victories.

This time, anti-men bloggers are crowing about the high number of women nominated for Emmys this year, as if television production lurched in tatters without a single woman in charge. This conspiracy continues for movies and videogames, despite evidence to the contrary (e.g. Amy Poehler is making a documentary about queen-bee Lucille Ball).

A quick Google search shows the number of women who’ve held power and influence in Hollywood echelons: Ball, director/producer Penny Marshall, Oprah Winfrey, studio head Sherry Lansing, Barbara Walters, Broadway head Julie Taymor, Avengers producer Trinh Tran, and “pioneer” Dorothy Arzner, who joined the Directors Guild of American in 1927. Bitches been making movies for 90 years; if you’re looking for a patriarchy that’s held back “brave” women from exceeding in Hollywood, you can point the finger to molls like Lansing, Winfrey, and Tran.

Womyn want to celebrate all the success females have had in Hollywood over the years, while simultaneously railing against the patriarchy that has denied that success. Either women in Hollywood were “ground-breaking” for a century, or showbiz is a pit of toxic masculinity – it can’t be both. Women will never be happy in Hollywood (or anywhere) bc it can never be achieved.

Story TheWrap

Cardi B Loves Women

We’ve got a great idea to empower men to solve the specific healthcare issues, spousal abuse, and general bad press that Being Male entails. WWTDD is running a hashtag that will randomly distribute $1 million to 2000 Men – and men only – based on need and merit. Just tweet #WAPParty and share your inspirational story, and the Benjamins are on their way dude!

Ok, call it fantasy, politically incorrect, or Twitter-spit – but if you change the gender to Women, it’s legal and celebrated and propagated. Bc that’s what Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion are running on social media, with lots of stereotypical pink and shiny hair. (Who’s underwriting this, Garnier shampoo?)

The reason this is not sexist is bc women are doing this for women. Of course, if women were giving money away to men (only), or children, or eastern click-to-order-transvestites, it would also be apolitical and groundbreaking. Goop would provide free samples of vaginal cleanser.

But if Men were to perform an act of charity with restrictions, it would be called sexist, demeaning, and fostering the patriarchy. Virtual currency bro-ism. Those brave masculine souls who tweet out any criticism or hint of sexist hypocrisy are already being shouted down with all-caps.

There is no female equivalent for man-spreading, and there is no such thing as reverse sexism – it’s just Sexism.

Here she is doing the splits…

STORY VIA VARIETY

Female Dragonslayer: Charlotte Kirk

To make it in Hollywood, you need talent, luck, and perseverance – for example, if you sex one top executive and you don’t get a credit on IMDb, move on to the next sugar daddy. That’s the plan of starlet Charlotte Kirk, who is climbing the corporate ladder with long legs and the certainty that eventually one movie-pimp will stay employed long enough to see her paid to keep her feet on the ground. Last year she got Warner Brothers CEO Kevin Tsujihara fired for his indiscretions – now it’s NBCUniversal executive Ron Meyer, for a liaison 8 years earlier.

This type of assertive behavior used to be called “getting ahead in showbiz” – now its, what, slut-shaming? Expressing her sexuality? She’s not the first starlet to cowgirl her way to the top floor, but she may want to reassess her couch-casting choices when she’s 0-2.

Here’s hoping muff-diving men can similarly ride their way to success – which makes us wonder what’s needed for a himbo to get paid by a top female exec (besides certain horse-like attributes). This type of “sexual expression” helped porn-star Jesse James score a perky Sandra Bullock; it certainly explains Guy Ritchie’s tolerance of Madonna. We hope that even if a man can’t act, sing, or get into the Scientologist enclave, but has an 8-inch tongue, there’s still a place for him in the entertainment business.

The fearless Miss Kirk has reaffirmed what we know about Hollywood – you need either raw talent (e.g. Ryan Reynolds) or determined promiscuity (e.g. Amber Heard). Sometimes you gotta kiss alotta frogs to find your prince, Charlotte.

Story via TheWrap

Slim is the new Fat

Female celebrities are comfortable with how they look until they are not. They carry a mix of “everyone loves me for who I am” – bc they got famous looking like they did – and insecure “I need to augment myself to make sure everyone likes me” (and God bless those who do). Lady Gaga has reinvented herself so many times she’s become a new genus.

There’s been a run of large, semi-famous women deciding they would rather be smaller, thus incurring the wrath, spoken and unspoken, of feministas who think obesity is a valid lifestyle choice. The last few months have seen a comedian (Rebel Wison), heavy-metal princess (Kelly Osbourne), and one of the greatest singers of our times (Adele) slim down.

Does it make them less funnier (assuming Wilson was funny to begin with), an inferior singer, or ..whatever it is that Osborne does worse? Does their weight loss make them healthier, less prone to heart disease, and generally more physically appealing than before?

The real question is, is their physical change a betrayal of their female followers who previously upheld them as unconcerned about their appearance, and courageous for devaluing the male gaze. Notice we say female fans, bc few men would argue against this downsizing – at least while the whip is in the room – and most judgement, fat or thin, comes from other women. You don’t need to be conventionally beautiful to level up (e.g. Billie Eilish), but the Surgeon General has a strong opinion about some of our “lifestyle choices”.

Perhaps it would be better to celebrate women who embrace their health and femininity – and those who value their careers, since fashion sites still skew skinny despite all the good work of Ashley Graham. Be prepared for much outrage and disliking when she inevitably goes on a diet.

Story from ET ONLINE

Here are those pics of Rebel Wilson….if you’re into that kind of thing….

Feminists v Supply and Demand

Forbes just released their list of highest-paid actors for 2019, with Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Ryan Reynolds, and Mark Wahlberg landing top bank. Man-boy Adam Sadler makes the list, as do several non-caucasian actors – so we’ve got that covered.

Forbes will wait a month before releasing the highest-paid Actress list, with Scarlett Johansson expected at #1 north of $60 million – and that’s before she cashes in on “Black Widow” residuals. Johansson and forever buxom Sofia Vergara and feminist Reese Witherspoon would crack a list of the 10 richest PEOPLE – that doesn’t sound like wage disparity to me. What happens if Scarlett tops the list – like Mary Pickford, Barbara Streisand, and other women have done throughout Hollywood history – is the battle for wage equity over? Where do millionaires and queenpins Lady Gaga, Jennifer Lopez, and Oprah fit in – does Katy Perry need to pay alimony to Orlando Bloom?

If so, its urgent feminists and other Woke Womyn pivot to that other stronghold of beauty and well-lit photography: modeling. Because last we checked, Kylie Jenner was closing in on $200 million annually, and still-supple Gisele Bundchen clears $20 million without a Superbowl ring. American Sean O’Pry – I’ve never heard of him either – can only afford non-flavored Perrier as the top male model at $1.5 million a year.

This sexist disparity can’t go on any longer – square-jawed, gay men are being paid a fraction of what their counterparts are on the runways of Milan and Paris, for the same work.

Either there’s a double-standard, or just maybe, people are being paid what the market demands. For reasons that escape those with a reasonable IQ, more people want to see Dwayne Johnson on-screen flexing and scowling than the delectable Margot Robbie in any fashion (pun!). By the same measure, more WOMAN will click on articles featuring yummy Miranda Kerr than some dude with a $500 haircut and $40,000 watch.

John Legend isn’t fretting that his potty mouth, rotund wife Chrissy Teigen pulls more green than him – if he can look past this sexist industry, can’t we all?

Story via FORBES

How about some pics of those ladies(not Chrissy Teigen)

Ruby Rose is a Pussy

What actor, nay human being , would voluntarily quit the job that’s the pinnacle of masculinity, coolness, and badassery – Batman. Despite how often DC and Warner Brothers have beat this black horse, anyone who’s taken on the pointy cowl – head-case Val Kilmer, neo-liberal George Clooney, recovering alcoholic Ben Affleck – all wish they had one more move as the Dark Knight. Will Arnett managed to resurrect his entire career with the role – and that as a voice in the Lego movies.

So it’s hard to fathom why jork Ruby Rose would walk away from Batwoman, and she’s still chirping about it. Maybe the job wasn’t what her agent said, maybe she’s recovering from surgery, maybe a network TV show isn’t the open forum for LGBTQ rights she hoped (who knew?); but it’s hard to imagine a higher calling for a tatted punk female slag than this.

“Being the lead is anything is tough” – tell that to Margot Robbie or Charlize Theron or Taraji P. Henson, who’ve spilled blood in lesser roles. You think Zoe Saldana enjoys being yelled at by James Cameron on the set of “Avatar” while she’s treading water for 6 hours? I don’t think Gina Carano could have left MMA behind for henchwoman roles without a few tears on her pillow

Maybe Rose looked the part more than lived it – the opposite of current Bond Daniel Craig – but passing on a role that Kirsten Stewart would give her left nut for is just stupid.

Story Via DEADLINE

Miley Cyrus is Shocking – Yawn

Future trainwreck Miley Cyrus is ready to release her new album this week, which should thrill her fans: ex-teenage girls, her 112 million IG followers (!), and any men interested in slutty, tatted former hillbillies. The album is sure to be an introspective, timeless rumination on … jk, she’ll try to imitate Lady Gaga however her countrified record producer wants.

The problem for Cyrus’ career is what happens next. Her handlers – or worse, her swarthy father – never told her that Shocking is only the start of your pop-culture ascension, and doesn’t work in Season 3 Just ask Madonna, Marilyn Manson, or Ocasio-Cortez – after awhile, shocking and counter-shocking aren’t click-bait. Christina Aguilera has that big voice (and big guns), Lady Gaga has her LGBTQ army, Arianna Grande remains haf – but what does Miley have to build on, other than conquering the Skank throne?

The Young Singing Tart playbook says to start your career with over-sexualized videos and posts, dating threatening and unconventional men, and partying like the coin is never going to stop rolling in. Embrace your feminist side (where profitable), jump from cause to cause (“Help the Kidnapped African Girls!” “Don’t Kill Lions!” “Leave Crimea Alone!”) to foster disciples, and try to be a presenter at the Grammys or (if necessary) the Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards.

Chapter 2 is a sincere rejection of your hedonistic lifestyle for religion, monogamy, and a sensible dog. Tell the entertainment press (and your followers) that you’ve outgrown these childish ways – because they have too! – and you’ve found a new way that coincidentally translates onto catchy, ghostwritten lyrics and sound-bite slogans that emblazon your merch.

But no-one told Cyrus what happens if your Newfound Religion doesn’t take – you can’t go back to rubbing your 30 yo ass against Robin Thicke, who has likewise been forgotten. And although your followers will surely dl your new album – or at least stream it – they won’t follow you to your next new cause, bc it won’t be new to them anymore.

Godspeed to your first OD-cry-for-help young Cyrus; in the meantime, here’s some picts …

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