Boring

May 29, 2020 | Ask Tyler | Tyler Durden |

I find it absolutely hilarious that humans get so upset about humans doing human shit. The cities are burning. Authority is killing. People are looting. It’s just another Friday. War and murder are never going to go away. They happen all the time. My problem is, it’s doesn’t happen enough.

We get this horse shit virus that did nothing. A crazy President that hasn’t started a single war. False Flag attacks that not only didn’t start racial riots, but ended up being Dave Chappelle’s funniest joke ever. WERE IS MY APOCALYPSES!?! Where is the NWO globalization takeover? Where are the Alien invasions? Where is this Anti-Christ guy I’ve been hearing about for years? I don’t care if you try to end the world, just stop being mediocre about it. I got shit to do and I hate being patient!

Anyway, some cop killed some dude and everyone will be mad about it for a week or two then totally forget about them both. Hey, do you guys remember Ahmaud Arbery? Yeah. Me neither.

Let’s Make This Happen People,
Tyler Durden

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Kneel Before Mob

May 27, 2020 | Ask Tyler | Tyler Durden |

Jimmy Fallon is an idiot. Not because he sucks at his gig on The Tonight Show, or just sucks in general, but because he bowed to the social justice mob. The ‘comedian’ recently apologized for dressing up as Chris Rock on an SNL skit from 20 years ago. 20. Fucking. Years. Ago. He should be apologizing because it’s not funny, not the blackface.

Never bow to the mob…ever. Once you do, they have you. If they have you, they can cast you out. If you don’t owe anyone anything, they can’t take anything away from you. If you thought it was good, it was. Fuck the haters. ESPECIALLY if you’re a comedian. In a world Full of Fallons, be a Chappelle.

Fuck Yo Couch,
Tyler Durden

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They’re Both Karens

May 26, 2020 | Ask Tyler | Tyler Durden |

I’m sure you’ve seen this idiotic story. Black guy tells white girl to put her dog on a leash. White girl calls the cops saying black guy is threatening her life. Black guy films white girl choking her dog. Yadayada all hell breaks loose. Here’s a simple way to avoid all situations like this:

Leave. People. The. Fuck. Alone.

Yes. She’s a Karen for calling the cops, but he’s also a Karen for not only bothering a woman for her 80 year old Retriever that was not attacking anyone, but also because he was bird watching. He was fucking bird watching. Many are calling the white woman racist, but according to Joe Biden, if you go bird watching, YOU AIN’T BLACK! (due to legal reasons I have to inform you all that Joe Biden never actually said that…yet.)

Still Hating Humans,
Tyler Durden

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Free. This. Man.

In 1993, Mattieo Condoluci sexually assaulted a 5 year old boy and got probation. In 2007, he was given 2.5 years for raping a 13 year old girl. On May 19th 2020, Mattieo Condoluci got fucking shot dead. On May 20th 2020, everyone yelled “YAY!!!”.

James Fairbanks, 43, was arrested on Tuesday for criminal homicide by the Omaha Police Department. He released the following statement:

I couldn’t in good conscience allow him to do it to anyone else while I had the means to stop him. I’m willing to turn myself in even though I’m confident I wouldn’t be caught because it’s my opinion that we need to fix this in our society. We cannot let this continue to happen to our children. They must be stopped. I know in this messed up judicial system that means I will face far more severe punishment for stopping him than he did for raping KIDS. But I could no longer do nothing.

I don’t know which of the two above are Condoluci and which is Fairbanks, but I’m gonna let you take a wild guess. Anyway, the petition to have President Donald Trump pardon Fairbanks has already hit nearly 12,000 signatures and is still growing. I just signed my self. I guessing Condoluci’s daughter did too, because her response to her father being killed was basically “good to hear” and that the only one she feels bad for is Fairbanks for now facing jail time. I feel bad for him too. The man is a hero. Sure, what he did was technically a ‘criminal act’, but c’mon. There should be two reasons for justifiable homicide:

1.Self Defense
2.Killing Pedos

Keep Up The Good Work,
Tyler Durden

The Cave Is Closed For Ruby Rose

May 20, 2020 | Celebs | Tyler Durden |

Batwoman no longer has a Batwoman.

Ruby Rose, star for such hits as absolutely nothing, has decided it’s time for her to leave her leading role in the CW’s Batwoman. Makes sense. It’s not like comic book properties on television and film are the biggest things going right now. She’ll be fine though. I’m sure other producers will be dying to work with her knowing that she quit her last show after only ONE SEASON. Hey, do you guy’s remember David Caruso? How about Brian Dunkleman? Anita Barone? No. Of course not. Anywho, here’s what this idiot had to say.

“I have made the very difficult decision to not return to Batwoman next season. This was not a decision I made lightly as I have the utmost respect for the cast, crew and everyone involved with the show in both Vancouver and in Los Angeles.”

Look, this show was tanking in the ratings and the only time I ever watched it was thru YouTube reaction videos that completely trashed it. The overall consensus seemed to be that Batwoman was garbage, just like Rose. She looks like a 30 year old 90 year old. Her acting is atrocious, her chin juts out like a meth head’s whose teeth are missing, and there is NO WAY to make a 100lbs woman beating up 300lbs men look believable. I’m guessing she saw the inevitable coming and decided to bounce before the blame would be placed on her. Good call. Supergirl, you’re next.

Titans is Awesome,
Tyler Durden

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Shad Gaspard has died

May 20, 2020 | Ask Tyler | Tyler Durden |

WWE superstar Shad Gaspard’s body was discovered after being missing for 3 days according to police reports. He disappeared after being by the pulled by the tide into the ocean off of Venice. beach.

So he’s dead.

Bye!
Tyler Durden

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You Deserved It

May 13, 2020 | Ask Tyler | Tyler Durden |

Lisa Urso was mauled to death by her French Bulldog. Lisa Urso was not in a wheelchair. Lisa Urso was not an invalid. Lisa Urso was not paralyzed. Lisa Urso was a 52 year old woman that was killed by a Frenchie. I’ve done more damage to myself masturbating than I would by being attacked by a French Bulldog. Those fuckers can’t even breath properly. Run around for 10 minutes and they’ll all have asthma attacks. Lisa Urso is where she should be right now, because Lisa Urso was useless. Utterly useless…unless this was the most absurd murder cover-up in the history of the world, or she didn’t have a single chair in her house to stand on.

Still Astonished,
Tyler Durden.

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He Does Look Kinda Rapey

May 12, 2020 | Ask Tyler | Tyler Durden |

Former WWE star Alberto Del Rio has been arrested after being accused of beating and raping a woman multiple times earlier this month. He was taken into custody by the Bexar County Sheriff’s Office in San Antonio and charged with felony sexual assault.

The alleged incident began when Del Rio accused his then girlfriend of cheating. After denying this, Del Rio became enraged and began to beat the woman. He is then allegedly said to have bound the woman and “force objects” inside her for hours, all while threatening to kidnap and drop her son off in the middle of nowhere if she cried. One of those objects was thought to be A STEEL CHAIR! BUT HERE COMES THE UNDERTAKER! WHAT A SLOBBERKNOCKER! THEIR BACKS MAY BE BROKEN! THEIR BACKS MAY BE BROKEN!

Still an Asshole,
Tyler Durden

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