December 30, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf |
I don’t think anyone believes in letting the dead rest anymore. Paul Walker was barbecued alive in a Porsche. A horrible way to go if he is either guilty or innocent of dating 16-year-olds. I’m not sure what society gets from going after a dead man’s lukewarm legacy. It was no secret that Paul lived a fast life. Redlining it right at the cut off age of consent. As soon as I turned 18, for avoiding statutory rape purposes, I avoided talking to anything in a bra under the age of 18. Too risky. But Walker was a risk taker. Probably doing donuts in the teacher’s parking lot of his local high school for the attention of sophomores and anyone else studying for the SATs.
After news of the actor’s death broke, the Daily Mail and In Touch Weekly both ran features of how Walker’s current girlfriend, Jasmine Pilchard-Gosnell, was coping with her loss. Both of them noted that the pair began a relationship while she was 16 and he was 33. And before Pilchard-Gosnell, Walker had dated another woman, Aubrianna Atwell, while she was allegedly 16 as well.
It’s possible that Paul waited until Jasmine Pilchard-Gosnell turned 18 to give her dick in a box on her birthday. It’s also possible that Paul was the covert trench coat and sunglasses combo high school predator with a 15-17 AOA(age of attraction) that got away. If he is guilty, what’s the next step? I already swore I’d never watch another Fast & Furious film. Should I solemnly swear it again if Walker is confirmed a deplorable human being in death?
Photo Credit: Getty Images
Lamar Odom is another one of life’s mysteries, like why is summer sausage mostly eaten in the winter? Would Bill Cosby run into copyright issues if he decided to use the same intro music from his eponymous sitcom for his Hugh Heff produced porn tape? And why after all the crack and heart attacks does Lamar think it’s okay to return to basketball. Khloe Kardashian has never been a professional ball player, but has played with the balls of many professionals, and is still more famous than a fading Odom will ever be. Things quickly turned from love & basketball to love & can I wash your windows to pay for my next hit? If you thought Lamar was scary on defense, just imagine what everyone in a Prius on Sunset Boulevard felt when they saw him at a red light with a squeegee in his hand. Lamar probably won’t convince Khloe to come back, but he thinks he has another shot with basketball.
Three years ago Lamar Odom was found unconscious at a Nevada brothel, now he’s ready for an unforgettable basketball comeback.
Taking to Instagram on Wednesday, the former Los Angeles Laker star announced he’ll be playing for the Philippines in the upcoming Dubai International Basketball Championship in February.
“To me this is a great warming up for the @TheBig3!” Odom added. “It’s been a minute since I’ve professionally competed and I hope to be as explosive as I used to be!” The Big 3 is a professional three-on-three basketball league.
Odom said he wanted to participate in the Chinese CBA earlier this year, but his health – following 12 strokes and six heart attacks – wasn’t up to par.
“I’m not giving up and going in full force!! Patience and moving forward is key,” Odom added.
If I were from the Philippines, I’d be upset. It just proves that America’s worst imports are better than some of the things other countries could ever come up with by themselves. Hasselhoff touring Germany > Nazis touring Germany. If a man, whose health bar is one round-kick away from a Mortal Kombat Fatality, manages to become a top basketball player in the foreign country that he was invited to play in, than that foreign country should just go play something else. Perhaps the Philippines should focus their efforts to produce top Bocce and Croquet players as an alternative option to possible embarrassment.
Photo Credit: Getty Images / Instagram
December 25, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson |
Jesus? Oh he canceled. A little magical baby might have been the og reason for the season, but everything changed the second Phoebe Price landed on this plane in a spaceship. Price has been a Dark Web blog staple for literally decades (I first learned about her in college via Dlisted) and what’s truly admirable is that she hasn’t changed up her routine one iota. In fact these pictures could be from 2005. Or 2050 for that matter. Price’s supermodel contemporaries compromise their aesthetic to fit in. Why be Kate Moss when you can be Phoebe Phucking Price? She saw one drag show in 2000 and said “this is me now” and never looked back. In these new pap pics (which I paid to download bwahaha) Price is dressed as nymphomaniac Mrs. Claus while sprinkling her alien venereal diseases around an abandoned Christmas tree farm. Just like Jesus in that manger all those years ago. Or whatever I’m drunk.
Photo Credit: Backgrid
December 23, 2018 | News | Sam Robeson |
Christmas is in two days, which means you’re probably already surrounded by family and blind drunk. You can tell a lot about a guy based on what he drinks, but this is going to be a judgment-free zone. Within reason. I already confessed that I enjoy a big juicy gas station shard in my mouth. It’s pronounced “shart” you plebes. I also like Bud Light Lime, vodka and tap water, and pretty much anything else that white trash alcoholics enjoy. The only drinks really I judge people on are artisan craft brews. If your beer tastes like Jolly Rancher-flavored gasoline you really do have problems. And don’t you dare Instagram that cutesy label. Don’t you fucking dare. Stay drunk guys, and let us know your drink of choice in the comments.
Photo Credit: Comedy Central
This is a fun Blind Item because no one really seems to know who it pertains to. We’ve got an A-list actor dating a trans woman with brand new tits. We could start by thinking of actors who have dated women who look trans. And of course that would bring us to Sarah Jessica Parker’s husband Matthew Broderick. Some people have settled on Tom Cruise for this Blind Item, but it doesn’t really add up as he’s more on the market for someone who looks like Paul Bunyan than a trans woman. Let us know your guess in the comments.
This permanent A list mostly movie actor who is closeted and hasn’t been seen on a date with a woman since a divorce has been seeing someone who identifies as a woman and has had hormone therapy and has new breasts but was born a man.