J.K. Rowling Is More Offensive Than Inclusive

Today I learned that casting an Asian woman as a fictional snake creature is somehow racist, and in no way reaching for something to be upset about by overly sensitive internet dwellers. Love her or hate her, J.K. Rowling is going to make millions. She has decided to sprinkle diversity in her franchise now because she’s succeeded already, and all of her virtue signaling on Twitter would make her seem like she’s full of hot air if she didn’t include the kind of people she claims to throw a cape on for. Let’s not forget her random act of kindness when J.K. cast an inclusive spell and turned Hermione black for the Potter play. This time it’s the Asian community’s turn. But in an unexpected plot twist, subordinate Asian women in costumes happens to be a fetish. I’m going to assume that the same crowd of individuals searching the internet for “sexy Asian in reptilian cosplay” aren’t eager to see Harry Potter prequels. So I doubt anyone in the theater will put two and two together, or pick up possible subliminals.

JK Rowling has been facing criticism ever since the controversial reveal that Voldemort’s snake, Nagini, will be played by a South Korean actor in the latest Fantastic Beasts film.

Critics claim that the casting choice contributes to the fetishisation of East Asian women. They argue that Claudia Kim playing the role perpetuates a racist stereotype, because the snake is a submissive character, possessed and controlled by Voldemort.

Surprise, surprise. Mention the word Asian and  Macaulay Culkin comes out of the woodworks.

Macaulay Culkin wants to make another big splash in Hollywood — and he’s shamelessly, and publicly, lobbying J.K. Rowling to help him do it.

The 38-year-old ‘Home Alone’ star tweeted the ‘Harry Potter’ author asking her to write him a role in the next movie in the ‘Fantastic Beasts’ series — which is a prequel to the ‘Potter’ stories.

I bet Culkin wanted an audition the minute he heard an Asian was going to be cast to be in the next Fantastic Beasts movie. His sweet and sour chicken fantasies know no boundaries. It won’t be long before he’s booked for harassment after attempting to get every woman on set that looks Asian to share her ancient Chinese secret with him on the couch in his trailer. Also, no matter how good you think you are, you can’t take an almost 20 year hiatus from acting to dabble in drugs and questionable sex acts and believe you’re still just as good when you left.

Photos of Fantastic Beasts Co-star Katherine Waterston Via MrSkin.com

Shia LeBeouf Is Dating The Cast

Is there a term available used to describe the opposite of a “celebrity power couple?” Because if there is, the union between Shia LaBeouf and FKA Twigs is it, chief. For now, I’ll just label them as a celebrity struggle couple. FKA Twigs is more famously known for being Robert Pattinson’s leftovers than a musician, and Shia couldn’t get his life properly on track if you nailed him to the rails. If they ever had offspring the children would have to decide not which parent to be more proud of, but which one to be less disappointed in. The face on Shia’s last woman, Mia Goth, also hinted that she too, like FKA, may be short a few chromosomes. When it comes to LeBeouf’s love life, he doesn’t aim too high. In fact, one would assume he aims down, syndrome.

Shia LaBeouf and FKA twigs are hanging out and keeping fit together amid his breakup from Mia Goth.

LaBeouf and FKA twigs, whose real name is Tahliah Barnett, had met earlier this year on the set of Honey Boy, which he wrote and which marks one of her first big screen acting projects.

The two have not commented on the status of their relationship.

Goth has also not commented on her split from LaBeouf, which followed a turbulent romance. The actor’s rep said the breakup was amicable.

I’d say that once a person hits rock bottom that the only way to go is up. But thanks to Shia, that’s no longer true. Amongst the dregs is his stomping grounds. He was bullied by autistic children on the internet, threatened to kill a cop while drunk in the backseat of a cruiser, and is now dating a pansexual fairy that makes music so pretentiously abstract, her lyrics are eligible to have their own exhibition in the janitors closet of the Guggenheim. Congratulations Shia, things are looking really lateral for you at the bottom.

Gisele Bündchen Suffers Low Self-Esteem From Badly Replaced Boobs

Our current hedonistic society, and most rap songs, hint that the key to happiness is having more. More is better. Mo’ money, mo’ booby if you ask Gisele Bündchen. Her top half even had one of the greatest returns on investment in history after it netted her a $25 million dollar contract with Victoria Secret. But after her money makers slowly deflated over the years like a budget friendly Costco air mattress suffering from excessive use and horny horseplay, she’s starting to feel unfulfilled inside. I feel her pain. Two decades ago she enough tit tucked away to feed every hungry orphan in the village. These days, she’s lucky to be able to feed two kids. So she got a boob job to feel better. But it only made her feel worse as her breasts are now lopsided and unleveled.

After breastfeeding Benjamin and Vivian, her children with husband Tom Brady, for more than 18 months each, Bündchen says her self-esteem took a hit when she realized her breasts were now smaller than before — and slightly uneven.

“I was always praised for my body, and I felt like people had expectations from me that I couldn’t deliver,” Bündchen, 38, says in a revealing interview in this week’s issue of PEOPLE, on stands Friday. “I felt very vulnerable, because I can work out, I can eat healthy, but I can’t change the fact that both of my kids enjoyed the left boob more than the right. All I wanted was for them to be even and for people to stop commenting on it.”

In her memoir, Lessons: My Path to a Meaningful Life, Bündchen reveals that in 2015, she discreetly went under the knife for a breast augmentation — a decision she says she immediately regretted.

If Gisele needs a second opinion about her bosom I’d be more than happy to take a look. According to her, Tom Brady supports Bündchen’s botched job and the fact that she’s exposing his children to more harmful plastic than baby sea turtles. Don’t worry, the government is waging war on plastic straws right now. Eventually someone will have the courage to pass a law banning Gisele’s boobs, as they are equally as harmful to the environment as those deadly one-time use hollow tubes meant to make drinking beverages 20% less of a hassle.

Photo Credit: Gisele Bundchen from Getty Images

Cosby Show Actor Re-Gifts Money Donation From Nicki Minaj

Wallowing in pride is a hell of high. Nicki Minaj is probably a terrible human being, but she found it in her heart to donate $25,000 to struggling actor and successful Trader Joe’s bag boy Geoffrey Owens. But he doesn’t want any handouts. He gave the money that she gifted him to charity. He could have given it back, but I think that last little bit of reputation that he’s trying to uphold wouldn’t let him. She literally gave him a year’s worth of cashier salary and he somehow thinks giving secondhand charity makes him look good. He’ll be upset when his supervisor eventually cuts hours. Everyone employed in a lower-level position at Trader Joe’s can use an extra 25K. That kind of money is nothing to sneeze at, even when you have a 15% discount on avocado toast flavored Icelandic yogurt.

Geoffrey Owens is “extremely grateful” to Nicki Minaj for gifting him with $25,000 after she learned that he worked at Trader Joe’s. But instead of keeping the sizable donation, the actor is sending the funds to other actors who are in need.

“I would like to give this donation of 25K to the Actor’s Fund in memory of the late, great Earle Hyman — who played Cosby’s father, ‘Russell’, on The Cosby Show — who lived his last many years and died at the Actors’ Home, (funded and run by the Actor’s Fund),” Owens, 57, told TMZ in a statement.

“I am extremely grateful to Nicki Minaj for enabling struggling actors to continue pursuing their dreams,” he concluded.

Even the charity he gave the money to was meant for other struggling actors. That’s a clear indication that he’s in need of a mental health evaluation. It’s perplexing and doesn’t make sense, like homeless people that own pets. It’s not like he’s an A-lister that turned down Marvel films, opting to work minimum wage due to the flexible work schedule allowing him more time to spend with family. Cosby screwed him over like he was an unwilling piece of ass with a yet to be tainted glass of wine. Geoffrey is in need, he should have graciously accepted Nicki’s gift.

Photo Credit: Backgrid USA / MEGA

Tess Holliday Claims She’s Too Hot To Ignore

There is no winning with Tess Holliday. Call her out for seeking attention the same way she seeks fast food every few hours and you’re in the wrong. She’s claiming that Piers Morgan is obsessed with her. And she’s probably right. But as history shows, most men become enamored with a never-before-seen discovery, especially when it can be mistaken for a new planet. Imagine a woman the size of a small house flirting with the idea of actually being in good health. I’m going to be completely honest, anyone saying that they’re concerned with another person’s weight because of health reasons is lying. Piers is speaking out against Tess because the minute she started taking selfies in lingerie she became an eyesore, and completely ruined it for the rest of us. She looks like poorly packaged meat at the abattoir. Like some freak butcher decided to stick the fattiest piece of pork shoulder in a g-string just because he could.

Tess Holliday has a new fan that she’d rather ditch.

The model, 33, snapped back after U.K. columnist Piers Morgan wrote an article criticizing her weight for the second time in just a few weeks.

Holliday posted a lingerie selfie on Tuesday with the caption, “[Singer] @lizzobeeating told me to caption this photo ‘Damn… that look good.’ “

Morgan later retweeted an article about her selfie, and said that it was “very sad.”

“She badly needs better friends, who are going to be more honest with her and explain she is dangerously overweight and should do something about it,” he said.

Holliday quickly came back at Morgan for the body shaming tweet.

“The last two weeks you’ve been obsessed with me,” she said. “Makes me feel like you’re almost into thicker girls and too afraid to admit it.”

I notice that labeling someone fearful is a common defense mechanism with individuals who are in the wrong. When anyone makes a comment with an opposing opinion, the accused immediately stuff the accuser into the afraid category. But it’s only partially true in this case. No one is making fun of Tess in her undies because we all secretly want a slice of her cake, we’re afraid because she can eat one all to herself and still thinks her bikini bought from the big & tall section is acceptable to show off. She’s not beach body ready, she’s beached whale body ready. And that’s what’s giving everyone nightmares.

Photo Credit: Getty Images / Instagram 

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Now You: Dogs or Cats

September 23, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson |

While cats have gotten a really bum rap since popularly embraced by Taylor Swift and other tall lesbians, all cats aren’t bad, and this isn’t a place where we’re going to judge a man simply for liking cats. Be brave cat men. Speak up. I personally think cats are little pieces of satanic shit, and while I’ve met cute cats before, I always got the sense that they wanted to murder me. Now if they would just murder Taylor Swift, maybe I’d like ’em. Dogs are man’s best friend, but they can obviously be shitty too. So, dogs or cats? Let us know below.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Tags: taylor swift


Blind Item: Wife Forced By A-List Husband To Eat 1200 Calories, Workout Nonstop

September 22, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson |

This Blind Item has become a bit of a hot topic here at the dark web headquarters. First off, let’s just agree that there are worse things than being forced to be fit. I’m not saying what’s described below isn’t emotional abuse, I’m just saying that if I had someone here to slap the slice of cake that I just ate out of my greasy hedonist hands and then punch me, I’d be better for it.

A ton of actors with skinny wives could work for this Blind Item. Alec Baldwin is obviously an asshole, and his wife Hilaria Thomas Baldwin (video above, ::sound on::) is super thin, especially for her tit size, and especially for having four kids. Harrison Ford fell for Ally McBulimic Calista Flockhart years ago when she was just bones and bitchiness, and possibly wanted her to stay that way – by any means necessary? Then there’s Christian Bale, who seems like he’d be more up for just plain beating the calories out of his wife. Anyone we’re missing? And who’s your final answer? Let us know in the comments.


This A+ list mostly movie actor makes his wife log everything she eats each day and can’t go over 1200 calories. He also makes her work out two hours a day. To make sure she does, he has a trainer come to the house every day even on weekends. Our actor gets to do what he wants.


H/T: Crazydaysandnights

Photo Credit: Hilaria Thomas Baldwin Instagram

Tags: calista flockhart


Khloe Kardashian Baffled By Rude Comments About Her Baby

September 22, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf |

I don’t think many people are concerned about what Khloe is up to anymore. She’s right next to Kendall and Kourtney, completing the unholy trinity of Kardashian-Jenners that the world couldn’t care any less about. And by care, I mean on a Kardashian scale, compared to the top attention whores Kim and Kylie. Khloe had to be cheated on to make headlines again, all Kylie had to do was say she never had milk with cereal the entire 21 years that she’s been alive. The bar is a little lower for some in the family. But Khloe is feeling the fame withdrawal and she has a black baby. One that actually exited her instead of the doors of an adoption agency a la the Madonna/Angelina special. Khloe put on her thinking cap and victim outfit. She disabled comments for pictures of her child, but not for her selfies. It really got the people looking in her direction.

Khloe Kardashian has had to deal with racist and other hateful online remarks about her daughter True Thompson since the day she first shared a photo of her and it appears the reality star has had enough.

On Tuesday, the 34-year-old posted a new pic of her and the child and disabled the comments. She did not specify a reason. She later posted photos of herself and left the comments option turned on.

In July, Khloe fired back at a Twitter user who said True was not cute.

“What self-respecting adult would even comment on a child’s appearance?” the reality star tweeted. “What type of disgusting human being are you? It’s pathetic that you are this miserable in your life.”

Some random internet user saying your kid isn’t cute isn’t a good reason for uproar. But since there’s a legal age requirement for plastic surgery, I see why Khloe was upset. You can’t stuff baby True’s lips with fillers before her first birthday. Beauty is subjective. And some babies are ugly. Khloe wants to protect her ego more than her kid.

Photo Credit: Getty Images / Instagram / Backgrid USA 

Tags: khloe kardashian


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