America is about a lot of things. Bald eagles, cheap crappy beer, fireworks, and unfiltered access to an internet that is filled hot women getting naked! The celebrity phenomenon is uniquely American as well. This makes the folks at MrSkin.com the biggest patriots of all for amassing the largest collection of Celebrity Nudity anywhere in the world.
This 4th of July, MrSkin.com is really going full red, white, and blue by offering a LIFETIME of celebrity tits and ass at MrSkin.com. They didn’t stop there though, they decided to put a cherry on top of this god damn patriotic American apple pie by offering anyone who signs up a FREE MONTH of PlayboyPlus. You read that right, you get the hottest naked celebrities on earth for life AND a month of the hottest models that Playboy could find in this great country.
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Social media platform Snapchat can be used for many things like applying for a job at McDonalds or watching new Time Warner programs. At the end of the day, though, like everything else on the internet, it’s primarily used for porn.
Unlike so many other social media sites like Facebook and Instagram, Snapchat has no content restrictions, opening up a whole new world for internet perverts like you and me. Probably the saddest thing about Snapchat is that the content’s impermanence, but anyone with even a cursory bit of tech know-how can save pics and videos from the platform and enjoy them any old time of the day.
When Al Gore invented the internet, he probably had no idea it would become a porn mecca—especially with his wife Tipper spending her whole life screaming at anyone who’ll listen about the children, like some twisted real world version of Helen Lovejoy. Thankfully, people smarter than Al Gore have given us what we really wanted in the first place, and if you’re even the slightest bit curious about how to get your hands on more porn than you’re currently consuming, I think Snapchat’s a great app to investigate. It certainly makes no bones about the fact that, at the end of the day, it’s really for porn.
You know how when you’re not happy with your Airbnb so you bust into the property manager’s place with ski masks and guns and demand your money back? Lil Kim and her crew allegedly called on that oldie during the big BET Awards Show weekend in L.A.
According to cops who turn evidence over directly to TMZ, Lil Kim and her entourage rented a swank place out of the BET weekend. They weren’t happy with the digs for whatever reason and tried to get their money back from the female landlord. At 2am. An argument ensued and cops were called to the scene. It was BET Awards weekend so they were already prepped to be busy between the overnight hours. The police decided the unhappy Lil Kim and her party renters were a civil matter and told everybody to shut up and figure it out on Monday.
A couple hours later, ski-mask wearing men, and possibly one overweight 40-something newish mom, busted into the property manager’s place brandishing weapons and took back Lil Kim’s deposit check and cash. About $20K. You can imagine the war room planning that went into this heist.
Lil Kim is now being sought for questioning by the police in regard to the armed robbery. Since everybody knows this is obviously her and her crew’s doing, it’s really a matter of how much city time and resources can be wasted before knocking down the charges to celebrity misdemeanors. On the downside, there’s going to be the arrest. On the upside, Lil Kim’s decision to abort Biggie’s baby twenty years ago continues to look solid in hindsight.
Bella Hadid is tearing through Paris like the publicity machine Tasmanian Devil wearing anything that sticks. Her style sensibilities have left her in a bra and bright orange 90’s prostitute-inspired garb. Since Hadid looks like she was thirty in the 90’s, it all just works.
The Japanese sex robot with something to prove wore her Orange is the New Whore ensemble to a party celebrating the Heron Preston Menswear Spring/Summer 2018 collection. If that means anything to you, then congrats, you suck. Hadid graciously warns anyone getting close to her vag to “Handle With Care.” And with medical-grade exam gloves. The movie Contagion is closer than we think.
While fellow ho troll Bella Thorne strategically spins a tabloid yarn complete with intrigue, surprises, and plastic surgery that looks like it was purchased through Groupon, Hadid just fucking shows up. Thorne might be receiving Scott Disick for publicity. Hadid throws on funky shades and calls it a day. Something’s amiss. Maybe she’s innately interesting. Maybe the paps can’t stop clicking on their cameras because they think she’s Cher from the year 2040.
Hadid thinks she’s somebody. She’s got a tight bod, history with Lyme Disease, and millions of purchased social media followers going for her. All good things in this biz. Of course there’s also the possibility that Hadid’s been handled with care by every tabloid editor alive. The alternative to fucking a reality television star.
Kirsten Dunst is back in theaters this weekend in Sofia Coppola’s remake of the Clint Eastwood classic The Beguiled, which is about the only excuse Mr. Skin needed to talk about Kirsten’s phenomenal fun bags in this week’s Mr. Skin Minute! Since she doesn’t go nude in her newest film, Mr. Skin takes us back to 2011’s Melancholia where she went fantastically full frontal while bathing in the moonlight!
Next up is American Gods which is proving to be one of the most skinsational new series on television, and the gorgeous Yetide Badaki went nude once again this week! The episode, humorously titled “Come to Jesus” featured Yetide going topless for one seriously crazy orgy!
Finally this week, Tatiana Maslany bared her beautiful backside on the hit series Orphan Black. If you’ve watched the series, you know that she plays multiple roles and one of her characters made a break for it while in a hospital gown which was open in the back, giving us a peek at her cheeks!
As always, this is but a taste of the great things that await you on MrSkin.com, so be sure to head over there today and start fast forwarding to the good parts!
Miley Cyrus took to Instagram with a bikini picture that proves you’d probably fuck her despite your protestations. The singer can be seen sucking down her day’s worth of calories in a red swimsuit alongside two of her captives. The beginning-of-summer bikini selfie is as quintessential to a celebrity as sweaty gym checkups. We have to make sure they’re in working condition before we decide if they need to be tossed in the landfill. At twenty-four Cyrus’ next few years should be a breeze. The betting line will change sharply after thirty.
Cyrus is in the middle of her drug-free soulful country rebirth. Impossible without a thigh gap that’s at least two inches. Cyrus’ Bangerz era was defined by titty flashes and helping Terry Richardson climax by swinging around nude on a gigantic ball. Now she’s balancing “do-able” with a pared down demonstration of her talent. The music video for Malibu features Cyrus manically tugging at her clothes for four minutes without actually taking them off. That’s restraint. Billy Ray texted her with a sad face emoji. Did your childhood mean nothing?
Lady Gaga’s country-ish Joanne era is defined by her thirty extra pounds. We appreciate raw talent when it’s thin. Her body selfies on Instagram became more of a defiant stance against the male gaze than demonstrations of a light eating disorder. No one’s buying it. A MiCyrus captions her bikini-clad Instagram post with:
Summmmmer is heeeeerrrre! Bring on Z fruit , sunshine (always spf) , & goooood times!
You have to admire her pubescent exuberance. Although you wonder if that’s her only option. Refusing to get a boob job makes me feel like we’re forever saying goodbye.
Ashley Graham stars in a new YouTube video where she inspires the shit out of various insecure women. The grab bag of test subjects are paraded out onto a photo shoot where they greet Jesus disguised as a plus sized model. Graham then drills them about their body insecurities before posing with them for pictures to be featured on the guide to Disney’s Animal Kingdom.
The mad scramble for inspired words to mask Graham’s severe disinterest in others brings the yucks to the video, with the highlight being: Random girl: “I’m recovering from an eating disorder.” Graham: “Oh you are. Oh wow.” And scene. She’s like an exhausted conversation See ‘n Say.
Graham has been crowned the fat martyr when there are actually fatter people than her. I saw a 600-pound person at Six Flags buzzing around on a scooter with a funnel cake balanced on her lap. She was alone as far as I could tell. I then hung myself. The popularity of a plus sized model hinges on her status as a role model. Graham’s 4.4 million Instagram followers aren’t looking for fap material or hot fashion tips. Trend alert: Belted tarps.
In this video for Glamour Magazine, Graham molds to conversations to fit her canned spiel without attempting to hear the bleak stories of ugly common people. She has parties to go to and hot dates to terrify. One woman in the video states when looking at her body in lingerie:
It’s not every day that I see a girl like me in ya know, this kind of lingerie.
Graham cuts her off with:
Yea because they don’t put us out there like that. Don’t you feel like if you saw women like you in media more it wouldn’t be such an insecurity?
With a gun firmly at her temple, the girl responds with “I do.” to which Graham adds a satisfied “Good.” Good good. Squeal for me, piggy. The video ends with Graham sobbing uncontrollably for an extended period of time. Somebody horked her nachos.