Sarah Hyland’s Clone is Up and Running

March 3, 2021 | Celebs | Shot Dunyun |

In case you missed it, the Golden Globe awards happened on Sunday and they were as boring as any other Zoom call you’ve been on in the last year. Most of the nominees showed up over webcam to accept their awards, but some of the celebs actually showed up to the event at the Beverly Hilton in Downton LA.

One of these guests was Sarah Hyland. And I’m just going to say it, Sarah Hyland was cloned.

The last we saw Sarah she was ripping through her Juul pods at her bridal shower or getting day drunk in a pool somewhere looking totally ragged, but this Sarah looks brand new. I wonder where her port dock goes.

Tags: sarah hyland

Rich Ginger Boy is Upset

Having never been to prison, we can only guess what the experience is like and read articles from former insiders (e.g. Jessica Kent). It sounds like it’s boring, intimidating, shitfood, and depending on your MO, dangerous; and doesn’t include a sanitized chauffeur, cheap sushi, and naked women pawing at your shirt, like it does for the cast of Riverdale.

But if you’re a vause white kid from New Zealand, a pandemic restricted shoot in Canada is analogous to “jail”, as Riverdale ginger KJ Apa says on DListed. This fits with co-star (and jewel) Lili Reinhart, who also felt obeying the restrictions most of the planet is following and making millions doing it, is like “prison”. (Reinhart gets a slight pass bc jazlin – if this was Lena or Ellen getting bent we wouldn’t be so forgiving).

Once again we invoke the stalwart Danny Trejo, actor, restaurateur, and ex-con, who did time in prison for armed robbery. He also counsels wayward Latinos, donates to healthcare, and recently saved a woman and her toddler from a car-wreck in LA. I haven’t scoped his entire biography, but I don’t think his time in San Quentin included ironed bed-sheets.

But if you’re a Kiwi pab like KJ, emoting and hitting your mark and being driven back to your 4-star hotel is incarceration. We hope fellow down-under thespian Russell Crowe crosses the pond to Auckland (or Vancouver), to “talk” some perspective into Princess Apa.

Story By: Dlisted

Here’s a gallery of the other redhead from Riverdale, Madelaine Petsch!

MILF gets Paid

The always truthful yet salacious New York Post is scouring the InterWebs for outrageous scandals, and like any media outlet these days, they’ll dig it up if they have to. Cause next to Fear and Outrage, what drives clicks is Sex, so why not mix them together?

Just-tryin-to-get-by mom Crystal Jackson – we’re assuming that’s not her stripper hashtag – has made a few dimes on OnlyFans, and then is getting shaded by the local Catholic school bc slutty. Seems just bc Mom poses semi-naked, and old men pay for that sorta thing, her kids can’t get a religious education.

We can debate whether Jackson aka Mrs. Poindexter has the look, make-up, or lighting to be considered bangable (be sure to scroll thru here) – but the slant is middle-aged women shouldn’t be judged by their sexuality or cooking skills. And business is good for Jackson on both counts, especially if you’re over 35 and can bank $150 K / month for not fully undressing. (Bella Thorne must be thinking she gotta lotta miles left on her odometer).

The endless battle of feminists v. women continues (the Bitter Principle of her kids’ school is female), with NYP and others hoping the outrage continues on Facebook until at least the weekend. Both sides can claim “think of the children” without irony, but her shortie’s doubts about mommy’s vocation will dissipate after the arrival of a PS5 and curved 49” monitor.

Jackson said she’s not leaving OnlyFans despite the ban, and nss – if my mom could roll $1.8 mill a year for baking cookies in her underwear, I’d setup the floodlights.

Story By: NYPost

STFU Madonna

Almost billionaire Madonna (net-worth $850 million) is a victim of the patriarchy, will never let Men take her Life Force, is adopting another bushel of African children (probably), drinks the blood of Chinese pangolins to stay young (not entirely unlikely), blah, blah, blah. You can read more on sister sites or the breathless Entertainment Press about her latest tweet, but her story remains the same – Madge is Pistoff and wants everyone to know it.

So many things wrong with this pov that other, more thoughtful publications have pointed out, but it comes down to this – Madonna is a rich, weathered bitch who fears becoming old and useless and is playing the victim card. (Well, as “useless” as any rich hag with top floor apartments in Manhattan and London can be).

So instead of tweeting how wrong she is and trolling those Fun Loving Feminists in her corner, we need to look at the Big Picture – namely, how do we poor twangers get a piece of $850 mill? Maybe it’s passing off your GoFundMe account as an anti-mansplaining charity, maybe it’s posing as an adoptable waif who needs an absent mother; maybe you wanna go full Guy Ritchie mode and offer your services as a Cabana Boy. (Pickup some Vaseline at Costco first).

Either way, we’ve got an angry New Yorker socialist who’s out of her fukin mind, and if she gives everything to Maddoff / Lehman Brothers instead of one of us when she sheds her heavily stretched mortal coil, we’ve no-one to blame but ourselves.

Story By: The Mix

Demi-God

Remember when being a rock star meant partying hard, sleeping all day, and dying young? Yeah me neither, but it’s a far cry from today’s pop figures who whine about all the wealth and attention they receive.

No-one who understands music would call Demi Lovato a “rock” star, but she carries some of the trappings – multiple hookups with both sexes, award show screeching, and the inevitable drug overdose. Rather than shaking it off like a Stone or outright dying like Amy Winehouse, Demi is recovering from self-abuse with a “brave” and “honest” documentary about overcoming strokes, evil ex-boyfriends, and jet-lag from traveling the world. (Note how it carries the pretension subtitle “Dancing With The Devil” instead of the more appropriate “I Fuctup”).

Who is this documentary for – other child stars turned millionaire pop whores? Hollywood rich jades? Trailer trash who want to win American Idol and then crash and burn? It’s certainly gonna help her agent, publicist, stylist, videographer, PR team, etc – an army of supportive and well-paid people that your typical opioid addict don’t got.

So excuse us if we don’t shed a fugazy tear for a young woman who’s known nothing but fame and cheddar and press. If her doc is peppered with a 1-800 number for other addicts to get help we’ll back down – until then princess, nurse your wounds, unfriend your dealers, donate to charity, and maybe consider a career outside of victimhood.

Story By: Rolling Stone

WTF VS

While reviewing my stock options in the back of my Rolls on my MacBook FapMaster, I failed to notice the drop in Victoria’s Secret portfolio – in other words, wtf?

Once smooth-jazz posers like Maroon 5 headlined the annual Victoria Secret show in New York we (like most of America) lost interest – although we still dreamt of attending – and would catch up on Youtube, and all the fleshy goodness it subsequently recommended (e.g. Lorena Rae, Maia Cotton, Cindy Bruna, other … topics).

Apparently the women’s apparel company has sunk so low as to be subjected to a Hulu documentary, “The Rise and Fall of Victoria’s Secret”. So this bastion of femininity and women’s empowerment and underwire bras is now being treated in the same breff as the Fyre festival – what a blocker.

Googling VS for information without the pictures is like pancakes without syrup – but seems the old dude who runs it is retiring, MeToo has left its mark, and gorgeous women in tight clothing and LasVegas style wings aren’t in fashion anymore – again, WTF?

Once more we reach out to all Men (and experimental Women) to please do your part to keep this mall-worthy purveyor of soft porn alive. Yes, there is ThirdLove and WearLively filling in the (thigh) gap, but to be honest we’re afraid to click on some of the images; it’s like the dark corners of Fredericks of Hollywood – what happens if we’re NOT up for fetish gear at discount prices?

Next time you’re allowed into a strip-mall (pun!), please go inside and purchase expensive lacy shit to help out Malaysian sweat-shops and western honies of all sizes. Or maybe send an email to your congressman/woman with those cheesy videos of the young girls who’ve just been selected as an Angel – if that doesn’t bring a tear to their eye and a jolt to your rope, nothing can save us.

Story By: Deadline

Big Celebrity Drops

February 22, 2021 | Celebs | Sensai Dani |

What’s a celebrity drop these days without a big ol ass in your face? Here’s Beyonce’s latest ad for Icy Park and Khloe Kardashian trying to sell her Good American shoe line.

All I’m interested in buying after seeing these, are some butt injections and cellulite cream. I’m assuming Jennifer Lopez will be going a similar route to sell her new skin care line. Here, take my money ladies.

Big ass means big money.

Tags: beyonce

Miley Requests a Shaved Chest

February 20, 2021 | Celebs | Sensai Dani |

MMA fighter Julian Marquez has publicly asked Miley Cyrus to be his Valentine. Julian must have been feeling a natural high after winning his UFC match against Maki Pinolo on Sunday and used it to publicly declare his lust for Miley. Maki told reporters ” …this is my time to shine. So Miley Cyrus- will you be my Valentine? Let’s go”

Miley’s persona of the week responded to Julian’s offer, by countering “shave an MC into your chest hair and I am YOURS ❤ ” I guess she’s used to the wax chest Liam Hemsworth.

I would have thought Miley was into hairy chests and smelly armpits.

Tags:

Rush Rush

Rush Hudson Limbaugh III is dead. The radio shrill and conspiracy plugger died of lung cancer this week, not before dumping a long list of complaints and right-wing edicts that litter his online obituary like dog-droppings.

Among Limbaugh’s monumental yarns was “feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women access to the mainstream of society”. No hefty egophile, feminism is about building equality with men – well, at least it was in the murphy 70s, before unsatisfied and listless women adopted the mantle bc lazy. In the 21st century, feminism is all about inflicting homicidal wedgies on men and smashing the patriarchy.

As we pointed out in past diatribes, the male equivalent of a feminist is a mascilinst, which sounds toxic and flooty; and since all men are pigs and only think of themselves wgaf what the term is.

As feministas are blind to men’s interests and morality, this question is rhetorical, but: “what trait can ugly men take advantage of that makes them attractive” to the mainstream? The short answer is money, but that’s not very woke, and won’t play in poor, backward countries liberals are trying to impose newfound Western values upon. If a man has to become more feminine, understanding, feeling to become cory to women that’s not masculinity – that’s becoming Chris Martin.

Feminism in its most superficial form has strived to make fugly women less fugly, no doubt – for men, there’s only hair growth treatments and sux2bu.

In conclusion – the New Woke World will not be judging women by their size, shape, color or appearance anymore – only men.

Story By: NY Times

Kim Kardashian Credits Plant Based Diet for her Cosmetic Procedures!

Obviously I hate the Kardashians as much as the next guy. I think they offer no substance or value to the American people, and if anything are just damaging the morals and values of the modern generation.

The family as a whole puts an importance on fame for nothing, consumerism, while pretending to be real, while being totally manufactured and fake.

Nothing they say is actually true, it’s just low level media manipulation that works, but the people who are sucked into their spell just buy into their lies and the products they are pushing.

So today, I came across an article on a large celebrity gossip site that was praising Kim Kardashians “Itty Bitty Waist” and her “Pretty Face”, because clearly they are on the Kardashian payroll.

They are also trying to credit her PLANT BASED diet for her new “girl going through a divorce” body and are posturing it as a “Take that Kanye, I still got it”, when really it’s face injections and liposuction, photoshop and lies!!!

As a people, we need to stop celebrating the toxic, vapid, morally devoid people who put an importance on fan, follows, likes, conversions, money, because it is massively disgusting and actually not what makes people happy at their core.

Or at least stop buying into Kim’s lies about being plant based and the positive effects of it when she’s probably eating an omelette as her handlers oil fake booty down, or whatever it is they do.

Stop believing the internet and call out the dick suckers sucking up to this nonsense with the “You’re so beautiful” LIES. It is at the point of MENTAL.

The best diet Kim could go on is a hunger strike that doesn’t end.